Crashing Into You ✅

Chapter 17: The Appointment

Alex's POV

Deep breathes. Everything is going to be fine. Just take a deep breath. It's just another day of the week. It's just another office to walk into and a professional to talk to. It's just another conversation as part of work. There's nothing to fear.

Deep breathes, man, deep breathes. I feel like I am going to throw up. Maybe I should've went lighter on the breakfast, knowing my stomach was already in knots. Those knots feel tighter now, and with something inside, we all know what that means. Won't that just look beautiful as I walk into his office and throw up all over. Sure, that's the definition of you should be cleared to return to driving at over 150 mph around ovals. 

A Choo!!! Oh gosh....Oh gosh.... Why is the coffee extra strong this morning? Why out of all the mornings did I decide to brew stronger this morning? I should know better by now!

Pain. That's all I felt was pain as my hands grip the counter in hopes of some sort of saving grace. There was no way that would work because grip or none, this pain was going straight up my back. It still felt as bad as the day I heard the crack. Damn it. Maybe I should just skip the appointment. If I can't survive a simple sneeze, how am I supposed to be driving?

Breathe, deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Slowly count to 10, repeating the process. That's what they told me day one, and I was to repeat anytime I felt a pain this bad. I thought they were stupid and insane, laughing in their face. I told the one doctor Good luck with that as it seems nothing will cure the crazy thoughts in my mind. Somehow, though, instead of counting all the way through with no luck those first few days, I actually managed to find my ground at the count of six.

That's still six. What happens if I sneeze while I'm in the racecar? What happens if I twitch the wrong way? What happens if I shift and it sends a jolt? Those six seconds that I am focused on that breathing exercise are the difference between losing and winning. No, wait - they are the difference between making a move, and wrecking. I could just see the interview already. Hello, I'm Alex Bowman. I sneezed while driving my racecar and wrecked. I'm sorry for fucking up your day because of it. Yeah, that sounds just great. What am I thinking right now?

I couldn't think about that - but that was all I could think about. What if? What if I am not ready? What if the pain is still too much? What am I thinking? They said this could last for months, years, my entire lifetime. What if that's the case? What if I am dealing with this everyday? I can't do this that long....

"Take a deep breath," I hear, causing me to jump, sending yet another wave of pain through me. 

Seriously, not what I needed today. Who the hell is doing this to me? Why are they doing this to me? Why am I being put through more torture than I need? The appointment itself was enough to cause me to not sleep last night and go insane. Now add sneezing and some damn fool scaring the crap out of me? Not cool!

However, as my eyes slowly open and deep breathes actually relieve the pain for a change, a smile begins to form on my face. If there was one person that I would allow to do that in trade of their company and support, this was the person. He was here.

In my time of need, my knight in shining armor had shown himself. In the time where I needed him the most, every bit of worry was pushed to the side and he was here, for me. He was here to take care of me, help me, ease my concerns. Fuck, how did I get so lucky?

"Deep breath Alex," Kyle repeats once again as he walks over to stand alongside at the counter by the dreaded coffee that continues to itch at my nose. I swear if I sneeze again, I will kill someone. "Deep breathes and relax. The appointment is going to go fine. You are going to get the news you want. Just relax..." 

"I'm trying," I squeak out, which was the honest truth. It was why I tried drinking a warm cup of milk last night. It was why I was talking to myself about everything going on repeatedly. It was why I had been trying to follow the breathing exercises. "I'm trying so hard, Kyle. I'm just...scared..." 

"I understand. I get it. This appointment could mean everything whether they say you can go racing or whether they say it's not healing. I understand, Alex." I didn't even notice his hand on top of mine until my eyes looked to the counter before us and I saw his hand taking mine into his own. What is happening? Does he seriously know what he's doing right now? Don't tell me this will be like the kiss all over again and he'll disappear. I need him today! "You have felt the pain getting better each day. You have felt the ability to do your workout more and more without pain or stress. You are doing more around the house everyday. All of those things must mean that you are healing one way or another. Therefore, no matter what he says, it is going to be progress - and progress is all that matters. You will be okay, Alex. You will heal and be stronger from this. You will also get back to racing and trying to kick my ass." 

"Trying to kick your ass? More like making it happen! I was the points leader!!" The laughter that fills the room in knowing just how successful the year had been and the greatness that lied ahead was the medicine needed. It's shocking to even think that is possible. Little 'ol me was beating a past series champion, the guy everyone said had talent beyond anything. That has to mean something! "Thank you for being here. Thank you for coming."

"I told you that I would always be here to help you, support you, and be there for you. That's what friends do for each other, Alex."