i'm at bar with my friend, i'm way more wasted then he is. suddenly he says something
"i'm gonna kill myself" he says, laughing in the bar stool next to me. it's not unusual for him, so i respond with a joke
"good" i chuckle back as i take another sip of wine, i think i said it in a joking tone, although i was way to drunk to tell.
we laugh it off together and continue drinking as the night goes on, i can't remember much after that
the next day goes as normal, i go to work at my respective job and he goes to his
we don't talk as much anymore since he left
the days continue repeatedly passing since that night, no word from him or me
the days are getting repetitive, nothing new, just dragging myself to another long day of work and going home to pass out on my bed after missions
for some reason, something feels off, i almost have this guilty feeling burning in my chest
why is that? i don't remember what i could feel at fault about?
it's been a week since that night
i can't help but get this urge to text him, but why? i despise him?
still, i send a text anyway
"wanna meet up again?"
i wait an hour, nothing
i'm used to it, he never answers his phone
suddenly i get a text back, i check it the second my phone dings
"i love you"
huh? i know he's an idiot but what was that text for?
i immediately text back
"huh? don't say that like some little school girl with a crush and then not elaborate, what do you mean?"
no answer.
i wait an hour, but an hour turns to two, then the second turns to a third
it's another day now. why isn't he responding? i get he doesn't usually answer but it shouldn't take this long.
i can't help but text him again
"hello??"
no response. what is this burning feeling in my chest, it feels like... penitence? but why? i didn't do anything?
another day passes, i'm getting worried.
why isn't he answering? no one at work notices my feelings of guilt or unease, other then maybe the fact i'm a bit on edge
another day.
i'm worried, but why? i shouldn't be worried. i hate him, despise him.
and yet, the guilty feeling remains.
i text someone who i know works with the idiot
"hey, has waste of bandages been at work? do you know who i'm talking about?"
i text. after a few moments my phone dings, i can't resist the urge to check it immediately
this feeling of worry is almost strangling
"no, he hasn't :("
i respond quickly
"do you know why not?"
my heart sinks. i drop the phone, it lands facing up
"he committed... and it worked this time"
i'm frozen, why? i thought i didn't care about that devious freak.
i suddenly stand up, running out the door. even if i'm in a hurry, i always have my hat
i run to the armed detective agency, slamming the door open as i pant. i want answers, no matter now i have to get them
"where is he? where's that stupid b******?"
the agency members stare at me, maybe it's cause my vision was fogged, my mind racing, but i swear they looked at me like i was insane.
"he.. died"
one of the agency members said, not like i can remember who
"how? where? answer my questions!"
i say in a raised voice, my body and mind are racing with feelings. am i annoyed, upset, glad? i can't tell at this point, i just need an answer
"in the river"
the agency member with the brown hat said, ranpo edogawa if i remember correctly.
i can't control my body, i immediately run towards the river, i'm breathing heavily, my hearts pounding... why can't i stop myself?
i make it to the river. there's nothing.
i look around, looking for something, anything
i notice something laying on the grass, it's a note.
i immediately pick it open and open it
"you think i'd write a note for you, shorty mafioso? see you later~
- dazai osamu"
that... b*******!
i unconsciously crumble the note as my fist clenches tightly. i'm basically shaking in anger and annoyance. i throw the note into the river and watch it get carried by the tide
i feel this empty hole in my heart, the guilt has has managed burnt through me, i feel empty. no sorrow, no guilt, just shock.
- chuuya nakahara's pov.
