ONE NIGHT ONLY | Cardi B

episode. 001 ( pilot )

| NOT WORTH IT

D'MANI. Sat. 12:00am

[past]

PEOPLE ARE NOT PERFECT.

Sometimes they did bad things. Sometimes they lied to their family about selling drug. Sometimes they were impulsive for the thrill of it - like stealing from a couple people, picking a few fights, or even lying to their girlfriend of nine months about how they earned their money. And sometimes, in the rarest situations, those people were named Y/n D'mani L/n-nunez.

She knew it was a fucked up thing to do and constantly lying to the people she loved wasn't the funnest thing in the world, but keeping it all a secret rather than simply confronting them seemed easier in her perspective.

"I TOLD YOU about tracking blood on my momma's floors, didn't I?"

This wasn't the first time I've come into her home at random hours in the night covered in my own blood and needing her aid; and more then likely, it wouldn't be the last either.

I tried keeping the blood from staining the floors when I rushed through the front door, but there was too much this time. It all just came out in a gush. From my nose, my head, then down to the palms of my hands that were cupped together in a lousy attempt to stop the fluids from meeting the floorboards - an attempt failed, might I add.

"You did," I replied softly while she started aggressively dabbing at the gash across my head. "I'mma clean it for you." I offered.

But she was quick to shake her head, mumbling to me that she'd do it.

"Don't worry about it." As she spoke she gripped my face tightly and forced my chin to face the ceiling, harshly slapping a band-aid to the cut along my jawline. I winced but didn't bother saying a word about it. "You don't need to be moving around anyway. You tired."

D'mani was well aware that her actions were doing damage and it pained her to see the breakage she'd caused to her loved ones, but she figured it was better her family felt hurt than to know she was going around doing all the things she had swore to them she would never do.

The moment she'd cleaned and banded all my wounds she stood, tossed a blanket at my head then said, "you can stay if you want, but you sleeping on the couch. You gotta be gone before my family wake up too."

"You being for real?" I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was since I kind of predicted her telling me that, but I didn't think she'd actually pull through with it.

Her arms crossed and she shrugged. "Yeah, for real- what you thought I was gone give you some pity? Nigga you came knocking on my door at twelve something inna morning, be glad I'm even lettin' you stay here."

"Bae come on-"

"Tell me who been putting they hands on you and maybe I'll let you sleep in my bed."

Silence consumed us as I looked up at her trying to piece together my thoughts before I accidentally let something slip. What did she want me to tell her? The truth? No. She didn't want the truth, she wasn't ready to hear that her girlfriend was an active drug dealer and that I'd been lying to her our entire relationship. She'd break down entirely if she knew what I'd been doing, who I'd been fighting, what I wasn't telling her.

So I wouldn't tell her anything.

"I think imma go home," I muttered.

"Okay bet." She scoffed and shook her head. "Y/n that's sad as fuck. You rather leave then just tellin me what's goin' on with you?"

Lifting my eyes, I exhaled heavily. "Baby," I reached for her waist and gently pulled her down onto my lap - a part of me surprised to see she even let me touch her. "I don't want you worrying 'bout me more then you already are."

"Do you not realize you saying nothing is worrying me more? Can you at least just tell me something? Please? I don't wanna keep seeing you like this." She said quietly, holding onto my face.

I wanted to tell her everything, yet I didn't. I couldn't find it in me to tell her the truth. I just sat there in silence, staring up into her worried eyes.

"Mani? Please?" Tears start to ripple down her cheeks as she looked to me. "Why you always gotta be so fucking difficult?"

"I'm not tryna be- look, okay, I'm done, I promise you." My gaze remains fixed on hers, tears of my own start to swell in the crease of my eyelids. I didn't want to see her crying and I didn't want to be in this position. But I also didn't want to tell my lady all the shit I been doing behind her back. It felt like which ever path I chose, I couldn't win.

I cupped my hand underneath her chin as she angrily stared back with a teary red look. "You hear me? I promise this gone be the last time I put you through this, ight?"

"No it's not." She said, pushing off of me. "You just gonna come back here again expecting me to help you and you know you are." She sniffed, "if you just gonna keep doing this to me- to us then please break up with me. I can't take this no more. I'm fucking tired of seeing you like this, Mani."

In that moment, then and there, I wanted to tell her everything.

And yet, I didn't.

Why? I couldn't even answer that.

"You said you was gon take care of me, you 'member? Don't you care about me? Why you being so different to me? You wasn't like this before- you use to take me out and we did all that cute shit. The fuck happened, Y/n? Why you don't treat our relationship how you use to? Do you not wanna be wit me? Is that it?"

She thinks I don't want her?

"I do remember baby and I meant that, I still do. I know I been a bad girlfriend to you, I apologize f' that okay?" I stood, resting my hands on the sides of her neck. "-and I don't want you thinking I'm not serious about us cause I am. I care about you so much. I really do. I'm gon make all this up to you."

"If you care about me then tell me the truth."

I looked her over, hesitant and scared. "I can't-"

"Yo deadass?" She shoved me back. "I can't believe you."

That day Belcalis kicked D'mani out. I can still remember hearing about it and thinking to myself: what a fucking idiot she was. Keeping a secret wasn't worth losing your girlfriend. It wasn't worth hurting your family and hurting your friends or risking your life.

It just wasn't fucking worth it. At least, not to me.

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