<The RainBow After The Rainstorm> (LGBTQ/Suicide Book) by Jasmine Davis

~Damien~

~Damien~

    A few days passed...time seemed to draw on nowadays. My parents encouraged me to go back to school, hoping it will give me a spritz of hope. I doubted anything could save my scarred, shattered, and now ever so delicate heart, but I gave it a try. I knew eventually I could block away my feelings and bandage my heart once more, but this time felt so much more different. As a secluded person, I could cloud my emotions away to almost seem blind to any naked eye, even my own at times. To be honest though, this time I wasn't sure anything would help me...I mean my brother...took his own life...for things I could've stopped...for things I was doing to another kid...

    In a way though, I was glad to get up and do something, the last days had been lonely, but I wanted them to be. It was a confusing time...and I honestly wasn't sure what I wanted besides getting my little brother back, all the mistakes I'd ever made were replaying through my head since that day and it was killing me inside and out.

    The walk to school was just as painful, the dreary, rainy weather expressing my mood. When I approached school grounds, I could feel every set of eyes on me, the pity they felt only made me feel worse. Jake and the group of jocks came towards me and for some reason I began to get unbelievably angry.

    "Yo Damien, sorry 'bout your brother." They all said their apologies and I just nodded.

    "Is it true it was cuz he was a fag?" My eyes creased and my fists clenched along with my teeth.

    "Wow bro calm down, it's just a question."

    "You don't get it and you never will. Stop using that word."

    "What word? Fag? You so cool you can't say it now?"

    My voice began to get deep and annoyed, I tried to say each word calmly, but it came out harsher than intended. "No, but it was the reason my brother killed himself. The reason my brother took a knife and ran it all over his body and tied a rope around his throat, suffocated himself until he bled out all over my room. So if you really want to continue making jokes, expect your family to find you the same way." My steps were the only thing I heard along with the muffled voices around me. I nearly stomped my way through the halls, until I reached my locker. Quinn was standing at his locker and he slowly turned toward                                                                                    

me, making eye contact.I could tell he seemed frightened, a little shaken up. I started doing the padlock on my locker, glancing at him.

    "I'm really sorry about your brother...If it helps it's not uncommon, even the thoughts...but I know that doesn't really..." I looked at him surprised.

    "Look Quinn, I don't need anyone's sympathy vote, not even yours—"    "It wasn't a—"

    "I know...I'm sorry. It's just very painful...you know...I'm also really sorry for treating you so bad...I don't know what I was thinking....I wasn't at all...I just wanted to fit in.....but it wasn't worth hurting you or anyone else for it...and I'm sorry it took my brother's life for me to realize it..."

    He looked a little bit confused, his jaw dropped a little but I felt a little warm when I watched a smile appear.

    "Damien......You are a good person, but you let yourself become a jerk.......but I'm glad you realized that it's not who you truly are, even if it meant your brother. There's always a rainbow after the rainstorm."

    I remembered that for the rest of my life...something I could never forget. We smiled together and for the first time in a while, I felt like I might actually have a real friend.