Fixing You

Chapter 13

"WHAT THE F- oh." it was Niall. Suddenly everything flowed into my mind. I was at Niall's because I had a fight with my brother. "Shhh." he chuckled. I nodded and swallowed hard. "What are you doing? I went to check on you and saw you were gone."
"Oh I just uh...looking for the bathroom." wow. IDIOT. "Oh, alright. It's in here." Niall took my hand and led me into another hallway beside the stairs. A tall thin door was open with a small lamp. "Thanks..." I mumbled and then trapped myself in there.

Ugh the humility. I turned on a bigger light and I saw myself in the mirror. Ewe. I didn't even have to go to the bathroom. I just wanted to go check on Chase. I pretended to flush and then I pretended to wash my hands. I turned off the big light and opened the door. Niall sat on the stairs and jumped up. "Hey I think I need to go check on Chase." I said reasonably.

He nodded and we walked into the garage. Niall's car say in there and I hopped in the passenger seat. The ride was silent until we got down the road. "Are you scared?" he asked. Well obviously. "No." I sighed. Well there it is. Chase's room light was off but the kitchen light was on. "I'll wait." he coughed. I turned to face him and then nodded. It's probably a good idea I go alone. As soon as I stepped out, voices started raging in my head.

Remember what he did to you?
You can't just walk up here!
But he's your brother, go see him.
No! Run while you still can.

Ugh. I continued walking through the damp grass and onto the porch. I pulled on the door handle until it swung open. "Chase?" I whispered. Stepping further into the house and around into the kitchen. "Chase?" I continued calling.

No reply. One moment led to another and creaks came from the stairs. Oh Lord. I spun around and saw the shadow of scrawny legs bumping down the steps. My heart pounded. It was like some horror scene. "Chase...I'm sorry I just left you I've been worried sick. They said you were fine but I couldn't believe them." I started throwing out everything that seemed appropriate. He got to the bottom and looked at me. "No I'm sorry. I can't help my anger. I'm doing something that's best for all of us." then there was silence. Like the awful type.

He headed for the kitchen and I held my breath. His head was bashed in at the back and his face bruised. "I escaped the hospital. I know this seems sudden but it's gonna save you a lot." he reached passed me and grabbed a butcher knife. "CHASE STOP!" I screamed. Lunging for the knife. But I was too late. He held the knife to his chest and gave me a glare. "Elle, I love you. More than anyone or anything. But I've screwed up too much. Way too much." I was speechless.

I tried to yell but nothing came out and tears rolled. I shrank down onto the tile and felt guilt rise over me. "Let me do this. I need to. I want to." and then, the knife was stuck in his chest. Blood racing everywhere.

There was nothing I could say. Or do. Or yell for. So I just cried guilty. Watching it happen was the worst. But realizing it did, was absolutely horrifying. I stayed on the floor for what felt like days. But only was about an hour. I cried my heart out and now I felt nothing. I eventually forced myself to stand and I hobbled to the door. Not even glancing at him. I was so heart broken. Niall was gone, no surprise.

I stepped outside and watched the sun fall into place. The blades of grass danced in the wind. Everything seemed more complex now. What was I to do? Call 911 or mom? Calling a hospital wouldn't work, I knew he was already gone. But I strongly didn't have the guts to tell my mom.

Chase may have been annoying and a loser at the most. But he was my twin. He understood me in ways no one else did. I was gonna miss him so so much. Forget this. Forget my life. I can't even handle anything anymore. But Chase, obviously couldn't handle anything anymore. I wish I could've helped him. Or he could've talked to me.

He posted those pictures.
He hurt you.

He ruined your life.

Yeah. But I took his.

Everything was falling into place now, it was my fault. It was my fault that knife went through his chest. I hate myself. IM THE REASON WHY THAT POOR BOY WONT BE ABLE TO LIVE LIFE.

I should've been the one to die. I should've been the one to commit suicide. It should've been me. Tears found their way back into my eyes and they rolled down. There was nothing left to do. I went back inside.

The first thing I see was Chase. Oh God. Blood stained the tile. His eyes open. The knife poking out. I fell hard to my knees and stared at his poor face. "I'm sorry." I whispered. He couldn't hear me now. I grabbed his hand. It was already cold. "You're gonna be okay. I promise." then I prayed. Yes. I prayed to God. One of those long important prayers.

Then, I think the best moment of my life happened. I felt his stomach pump. The sign of breath. I stopped my prayer and grabbed his face. "Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay." I repeated.

Over and over until he breathed in deeply. I felt like everything I ever wanted had just hit me. Like 100 birthdays put in one moment. "Ca-Call 9..." he coughed up. I started shaking and jumped for the phone. I dialed 911 as fast as I could.

"Yes, 911. I have a serious emergency."