SKZ drabbles, oneshots

HyunChan: domestic fluff and soft angst

They had been together for almost five years, now. When they first moved out together in their new apartment, their future seemed to shine so bright, shimmering before Hyunjin's pure eyes and Chan had always been so thoughtful and down-to-earth, ready to protect his baby's feelings.

— Sometimes, he used to say to their closest friends, reality can be so freaking harsh I need to stay strong and be ready for whatever could come. Future ahead, we will never know what's gonna happen and Hyunjin's so happy about the new apartment that sometimes I get so scared for no reason. I feel like I could sense something beneath my skin, telling me some bad things are hiding and waiting for us to get really, really happy before jumping out of the bush to ruin us! —

To protect him against the world and, sadly, even against what both their families and acquaintances had said to them back then.

The difference between the two situation, although, was that Chan's family was easily reassured and relieved of their worries by seeing how much love the eldest must have felt towards his younger boyfriend. On the other hand, Hyunjin's parents still thought their son was too young and fooled by the innocence of a new feeling, such as infatuation.

At a certain point, 'though, they gave up: not that they were happy of his choice of moving out with a man, but what else could they do about it? At least Hyunjin seemed to be content with Chan, whose job allowed them to afford an over-average rent. Money wasn't really the point, though: Hyunjin would have married him straightaway, at this point of their relationship. His parents only thought about the pros - trying not to consider the cons - to convince themselves that Chan was the right thing, the thoughtful decision, the easiest and, of course, the wealthiest.

Nevertheless, was the young age really the problem?

Today Hyunjin was twenty-five and Chan was thirty: they weren't kids anymore. What was in some ways unspeakable for the youngest was certainly the fear to face the truth.

Maybe, and let's underline the 'maybeʼ, his parents were just a little, a tiny bit, the kind of homophobic parents he wouldn't ever be able to accept, or to forgive.

As time went by, Hyunjin learned how to mute that fear which existed altogether in the back of his mind and soon those worries began mirroring themselves in some other aspects of their routine. Of his own routine: in all the things he had to do when Chan was not around. The silent pain began to affect his way of eating, sleeping, working, thinking; just like the way a poison ivy would slowly suck away the lifeblood out of your body and eating was becoming an optional.

**

“Babe?” goes Chan with his softest voice, lifting his eyes on the figure sitting in front of him, while having breakfast together.

The dark-haired one is so absorbed in his thoughts that doesn't notice. His spoon is smoothing out the peanut butter and dark chocolate porridge Chan has prepared to treat him a bit, this morning. He had noticed, of course: Hyunjin wasn't nourishing himself the way he should.

“Jagi-ah?”

“Huh..? Sorry I.. I was..” takes a deep breath, as if he's running out of oxygen, hands shaking a bit, his beautiful sharp eyes get heavy with tears so fast Chan doesn't even have the time to realize what's going on with him.

“Baby! What's wrong? Hey? Hey.. ” the blond gets up immediately and circle the table to draw close to him, slightly leaning down towards his thin silhouette to help him stand up.

“It's okay, baby, it's just.. could be a panic attack, I got you, come here, yeh?” says, soft as ever, holding his trembling and cold-sweated hands to drag him into the living room and have a sit on the couch.

“.. you— always late.. from work, I.. 'don't you want me anym—ore?” and as Hyunjin manages to pronounce those few words, sobbing, stumbling on his own tears and shuddering, out of breath, Chan feels a crack spreading from the inside of own his heart. Is that it? Hyunjin was afraid of.. not being enough? Afraid of not being the.. only one? Afraid of Chan now wanting their precious routine anymore? It feels even worse, now.

“Babe, no.. no, no, listen up.. I need you to breathe, you're hyperventilating, calm down. Jinie-ah, I was just working overtime! I promise! And you can come with me to the office, like... anytime! There's literally nothing I would hide from you, except from the overtime I've been doing lately to get you a surprise. I am so sorry, I didn't... really didn't mean to have you worrying so much, come here, hug me, I need a hug. Forgive me. Everything's fine, Hyung was just preparing a stupid surprise without thinking about the consequences...”.

The youngest burst into tears and hug him abruptly, silently sobbing against his boyfriend's chest, grabbing a stretch of his tshirt between his tapering fingers, knuckles going almost white because of the tight grip, and his tears become more a cleansing cry by now.

Chan's tee is soon soaked with huge, salty, snotty tears and his smile goes wider and softer. What was he thinking?

“It's okay, now, my baby...” softly murmurs, stroking his dark hair with one hand and his broad yet skinny shoulders with the other.

“Hey, talk to me, I need you to tell me what's going on in your heart right now”.

“'m okay, now, I was so scared I became paranoid about you spending lots of time... at the office, my thoughts got bigger and got myself spiralizing into the fear of not being.. your jagi anymore” snorts, scratching one arm in embarrassment.

“oh.. wait, what—.. what was the surprise? I'm feeling SO dumb, right now, jeez.. I made everything up, I'm so sorry for not.. trusting you. Jealousy got me blinded”.

Chan giggles a bit and darts the sweetest of smiles towards him and press a kiss on his forehead, one on his cute nose and the third on his plumpy mouth.

“What! What?” asks Hyunjin, laughing softly when he sees his boyfriend's smirk.

“Now you gotta pay for your guilt and I choose..” and abruptly starts to tickle him everywhere but especially on the tummy and on the hips; and the devilish yet clumsy grin cackles into both of them screaming and laughing aloud makes the scene even funnier.

“NOOOUWAHH!! NOOO!” Hyunjin screams and bursts into a laughter and starts cackling like an idiot, trying to dodge Chan's hands; he's out of breath again, but now his heart's not heavy anymore, hisand the worries dulling his mind are gone. That's how much power Chan owns in his life and that's how much they love each other: their love, so evident and deep, sooner or later will really delight everyone's mind around them.

And Binie knows, Felix knows as well, Minho and Jisung know, Seungminie and Jeonginie know. And for now it's enough because they got their backs and also because Chan's family got their backs as well.

They love each other and they are so deeply loved.