My Guardian Angel

Meeting You For The First Time

It came without notice one day; I was at my lowest point in my life. I guess he got tired of hearing me pray for things that didn't seem important or things that hurt me without even being real. He came out of the shadows and kneeled beside me without making a sound. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder that made me jump a little not being used to the warm feeling that spread in my heart. That feeling that tells you everything will be okay, that you will move past this. I was not used to that feeling and I sure as hell wasn't used to someone appearing out of nowhere next to me. I looked up to see a boy around my age with warm yellow eyes that reminded me of the sunset. "Who are you? What are you doing here?" I whispered. I wasn't even sure if he even heard me, but he responded with a sweet voice "I am someone that has been listening to you. I have seen the pain you put yourself through, for things that are not worth even half of one of your tears". I wanted to tell him that he didn't know what he was saying that he didn't know me or what I was feeling but I just couldn't. It was like in the back of my head I knew that he was telling me the truth. I couldn't move or say anything, I just sat there again tears covered my face. I never liked crying in front of people, but somehow in front of him it was easy like he wouldn't say anything to anyone or judge me. I was in pain, and he was just there listening and giving me the support, I needed. His hand never left my shoulder, and I was somewhat thankful for that gesture. It showed me that I wasn't completely alone in the darkness anymore.

"Can I ask you something really quick?" he whispered carefully. With a tone that made me feel like he cared more about me than anyone else had before. I got the courage look up at him again.

"Yes." I whispered back, my voice was soft and tired from crying so much.

"What is the reason that you are crying? Who did you give so much power to make you suffer like this?" He looked at me with curiosity in his eyes. I didn't know if I should tell him the truth or lie and say that I was just feeling sad, but somehow, I know that even if I lied, he would know. I know he actually wanted to know by the way he waited for me to answer patiently.

"I am crying because I feel like I will never be enough. Like no one will love me like I want to be loved because I'm just not worth it anymore. I'm too damaged, too broken. who would want me?" Hearing those words come out of my mouth again for the hundredth time made me feel that pressure in my chest again. Those tiers that dried a couple of seconds ago were accompanied by new ones.

"What makes you believe that?"

" Look at me, I'm a mess. I'm not the girl guys look at while she passes them or the one, they ask for their number. I'm not pretty enough to be that girl. I don't think I will ever be picked first, i will always be the second choice. The one that never leaves them, but they will never pick first. I'm the one the settle for, not the one they fight for".

" You think you are a mess, because you are crying on your knees right now. You are someone that has been strong for so long, someone who has been fighting everyone's battles for them. You are amazing because you take care of everyone like if they meant the world to you. I have seen you; you care so much about random strangers. You help others when they need you without even being asked to. The thing is you are thinking about it all wrong. You might not be the girl they look at in the street, but you are the one that they would be lucky to fall in love with. The girl that would love someone with everything she is and that you don't find everywhere."

"You don't understand, do you?"

"Help me understand you. Help me see what you are feeling."

" I do care about everything and everyone so much. I know I have a good heart, but this feeling in my heart that no one will ever love me as much as I love them. I put so much effort into fixing someone and making them understand that they deserve the world, but who does it to me. Who takes time out of their day to come to me and help me when I look like shit. I loved every single one of them with all my heart, I gave it to them in a silver platter, but again they will never choose me. I'm good enough to talk about their problems and help them fix them, but I'm not enough to be loved by them. I give them the power to break me without even realizing it, and they do just that they break me into a million pieces. You know the worst part; they take some pieces with them I can never be completely whole again."