My Guardian Angel

It's been so long

It has been a while since the boy visited me that night, sometimes I start to think that it was just a dream or a hallucination of some sort. I was in a really low place in my life that I honestly believe that could have been possible. I have changed a lot since that day, things have happened and regarding that boy I haven't spoken to him in months. I miss him sometimes. I feel like things could have been different, but I don't let those thought consume me anymore. Even with the thought that he was just an aspect of my imagination I still wait to see "My Guardian Angel" one more time. I even sometimes talk to the night with the hope that maybe he is out there listening.

"It's been so long, that I don't even believe that you are real anymore. I don't know why I keep doing this every night". I was sitting in my bed, but when I finished the sentence, I turned to face the wall.

"I have been listening and waiting my girl" said a voice behind me, as soon as I heard it, I turned fast to face him.

"You came back?"

"Of course, I did we have many conversations to go, and I have many questions to ask you my dear" As he says this, he pulls a chair next to my bed. I also sit up to face him better.

"Why did it take you so long to come back?" I asked

"You weren't ready for the next conversation just yet, but I have been watching you change and try new things" I don't know how I was supposed to feel about the way that he talked like he was always watching me.

"Do you know everything I have been through these past couple of months?"

"Yes, I do. You have been strong as I hoped for" he said with a smirk in his face. It was odd seeing him like that.

"You said you were going to come visit with more question"

"I have, are you ready to continue our conversation"

"I believe I am" I said as I tried to push away any once of sleep trying to creep into my eyes.

"The boy, do you think he is truly gone from your life?"

We started with the hard questions; I thought as I tried to manage for a response.

"I think that maybe in the future things can change, but at least right now I hope he doesn't come back"

"Why don't you want him to come back if your feelings for him are strong?" He asked as he twisted his face to the side, intrigued by my answer.

"I guess...I have to learn how to live without him. I can't depend on someone that much if they are not truly mine to depend on"

"That is an honest answer. We are up to the next question. How are you feeling with all the changes that you have made in your life? I have noticed that you are not present most of the time"

I didn't know how to answer that question, he really did give me things to think about with our little one-sided conversations. As I was thinking his face twisted into a small smile, I didn't know the reason behind it.

"I don't even know how to answer your question right now...A lot has changed, that is for sure. I have tried to find myself and live my life as best as I can. It's been a journey for sure. I met so many new people since the last time we spoke and had my moments of happiness. You are right though most of the times I'm not truly there. I have no idea why my emotions have been off and on for a while." I was staring into nothingness at this point, he noticed that and reached for the hand that was closest to him.

"I know my questions are hard and not easy to fully understand. They are all made for you though. They make you think about your life and the possibilities that you can have in the future. I know you have not been present and that needs to change. You need to take in all your emotions and life paths that have been shown to you. You have to stop denying the truth of who you are."

"You talk like you know everything, all the things that are going to happen, and I guess you know since like you said you are my guardian angel. I can't act like everything's okay anymore. Yes, I have been better than before, but I still have a lot to work on, I acknowledge that. I think is time that you answer one of my questions"

He smirked again and I could see a glimpse of something in his eyes, hope, happiness, no he was proud. I don't know why, but he was because of my question.

"Go ahead you can ask me a question and I will try to answer it as truthful as I can, but you have to understand there are some things that you are not yet prepared to know just yet sweetheart."

My mind was clouded with so many questions of the future and even some about the past and the reason on why I had to go through so many things and if they were worth it at the end. At the end just one thing mattered.

"Did you choose me? And if so why me out of everyone in the world?" I asked looking into his eyes that at one point gave me comfort and somewhat managed to do the same right now. He smiled and I thought for a moment he was not going to answer my question.

"You asked a good question and one I can answer. I was not supposed to choose anyone, I was not allowed just yet. But you caught my eye the moment he was deciding your paths and the struggles that you were going to face. There are many that it worse than you don't get me wrong and I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty about your emotions. You were just special, had a mind of your own, the black sheep, the exception to the cycle. You intrigued me and I asked if I could be assigned to you. It was complicated at first like I said before I was allowed to choose anyone, but our paths interlocked many times. It was going to be a great adventure guiding you specially since you are my first"

I did not know how to take it...He said it so sure of his decision. Didn't have any doubts about my decisions or what could happen, but I guess he knew my life paths as he said. Still, he was hiding something. I could just tell that he spoke the truth, just not all of it. 

"Sadly, that is the last question for tonight" he said as he got up from the chair looking at his pocket watch. I never really paid much attention to what he was wearing or had. He was wearing an expensive Italian suit grey with hair slick back. He looked so professional for just a visit if I do say so myself. 

"You have to leave?" I said as I tried getting out of my bed 

"Don't get up...it is time for you to sleep and it is not like you can walk me to the door sweetheart". He smirked again as he said this. He was amused. 

"When will I see you again?" 

"Sooner than last time, I promise. This year is going to be a difficult one my dear, but I will be by your side as much as I am allowed". 

He walked away from me and once again faded into the darkness, but not before saying 3 simple words 

"Goodnight My Dear"

I had no time to respond, but still as if he could still hear me I whispered 

"Goodnight My Guardian Angel"