The Outlier II

ELEVEN*

The coming days were spent with Apollonia, sneaking off, stealing kisses when no one was looking. But as her warm, plush lips brushed against mine, there was nothing I despised more than the heat I felt when our lips touched. I couldn't let myself but wonder how much better I'd like it if her lips were colder. Maybe like his. 

"You're getting awfully close with the neighbour's daughter," Mother noted. 

"Yeah, she's really nice," I answered. 

I had realised, perhaps a little too late, that it was the mere teenage hormones and chase that excited me. Once that was gone, all that stayed was the adrenaline and fear of getting caught. But once we were behind the protection of a locked door, I couldn't possibly bring myself to care for her like I did for any of my previous lovers. But the worst part of this feeling, I knew that if I, by some swing of fate, met Apollonia before I had met him, I would've been able to love her the way I owed her. 

Well, what was the harm in this? It's nothing more than a silly summertime romance. I was having fun with Apollonia, and I'd like to think she's enjoying this as well. Simultaneously, she also happens to be nursing a particular horrendous heartbreak that I'm experiencing. And I hope that, eventually, I'll be able to tell Apollonia why I came running into her arms in the first place. Perhaps, someday, I'll also be able to stay in her arms. 

I had once read somewhere that there's always a before and an after, and the during only ever exists for the smallest, most miniscule fraction of time. With Apollonia, the moment leading up to any grand kiss was always the moment that melted everything away and left me with nothing more than my drumming heart as the anxiety of being with her clogged every last part of me. But it was the after that killed. That damned after. 

Once we pulled apart, all that lingered was the dissatisfaction she left in me, and my god was it haunting. I thought that if I were to throw myself into what was new, I'd forget about what left me. But there was a certain thrill that kept me longing for those mere 'before' moments, and that would sometimes help drown out the horrendous after. 

We were walking around the neighbourhood aimlessly, early in the morning to avoid any overt nuisance. Every once in a while, she'd bump into my shoulder and I'd laugh and we'd talk about all our big plans once we went back to Washington, but I doubted any of them would come to fruition. 

"Well, since you're leaving four days— including today," Apollonia began, "I was thinking we'd make the most of our time here together. I mean, it's not every day we're young summer lovers in the Caribbean." 

There was only one part of her of declaration that had bothered to stick out to me. 

"Shit!" I exclaimed, "my flight's in three days?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Chrissake, I hadn't even realised," I mused, finally noticing how little I had been paying attention to my trip. 

"So what do you say?" she asked. 

"Hm? 'Bout what?" I hummed. 

"About, y'know, spending the last couple of our days here together," she carefully suggested, "away from everyone." 

"Sounds good," I shrugged. 

"Well, where do you want to go?" 

After a certain point, it had started to feel like Apollonia was dragging answers out of me, forcing me to interact with more vigour than I thought was possible in our current predicament. 

"I'd reckon anywhere we might not get caught by our families would be a great start," I snarked. At that moment, she had an odd glint in her eyes, as if she was aware of a secret the universe had kept from me for so terribly long. 

"Lucky for us," she giggled, "I know a spot." 

***

Though it might've been lucky for us that the spot was seemingly unknown, it was awfully unlucky that the mystery spot was also unknown to me. Apollonia had been intent on ensuring that this spot would be a surprise, up until the very moment we had arrived. I woke up, just as the sun began peeking out through the horizon. I slung my bag over my shoulder and went to the bus stop where Apollonia— or Apple as she now allowed me to call her— was waiting for me. 

It took about an hour and a highway sign for me to figure out we were going to Santa Domingo. Apple had taken the liberty of planning the whole trip. The cash upfront hotel, where we were going to buy our outfits, down to the cheapest eats was all thought of by Apollonia. We had arrived at the hotel around noon and, with the excuse of a single bed being cheaper, ended up sleeping side-by-side. Our journey had taken the light out of me and once my head hit the pillow, I was fast asleep. 

I had been woken up by the sound of cars beeping outside the window and Apple humming in the toilet, once she walked out, we locked eyes and I swear I saw her eyes twinkle at the sight of me. 

"You're awake," she grinned. 

"No, I'm not," I groaned. 

"Well, get up you," she said, pulling the sheets off of me, "I want you to see what this place has to offer."

"Are you gonna tell me where we're going this time?" I asked, running a black pencil through my eye. 

"We're going clubbing in a place where we won't be shamed for dancing together." 

I had gone to my fair share of gay clubs. Ashton had always brought me around them, just immersing me in the scene and helping me enjoy it, but I had never gone as a participate, almost always as a guest of sorts.

Drinks were going around and without an ounce of fear, I had my hands all over Apple. I was having fun and there was nothing I truly enjoyed more. She looked beautiful as we danced but my mid couldn't help trailing back to my life in Washington. Every once in a while, I'd lead her to the bathroom and kiss her passionately under the influence of a lot of whisky, almost forcing myself to remember how good I had it. I was dancing with a hot girl, making her laugh and smile. Why couldn't I be happy with what I had? 

Deep down, I knew the answer. I wasn't satisfied because I wasn't all that interested, no matter how much I chose to convince myself. But even as we nestled in bed, bare-skinned and flushed, in our most vulnerable states, I looked over at Apollonia's sleeping state as I thought. 

"I guess I'm destined to love behind closed doors." 





_______________

(A/N: 

hey guys, this update took me a while but I have good news. I graduated high school! Yay! My ceremony was kind of a shit show so I've been feeling kind of low but I'm glad it's over. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter :)