I wish I was you **ON HOLD**

Chapter 4

I spent the rest of December and Christmas in London with Viv. Lisa had headed back to Scotland to spend some time with her family but Viv had decided not to go back to Holland this Christmas. I texted my father that I would be staying in England but he just read the text without replying which probably meant that he didn't care. I was slightly hurt that he didn't want to see me but also slightly happy that I wouldn't have to go back and spend time with him and his family. The only person I missed was my brother but he would probably be busy with his girlfriend and other college friends. 

The conversation came up one day as we were just chilling on the couch. Viv was reading some book and while I was on my laptop doing some school work with some random Christmas movie playing in the background.

[Dutch]

"This is really random, but have you ever thought of playing internationally for Holland and not the US?"  Viv asked. She had started to talk to me more often in Dutch recently. I was quite rusty not having spoken it for years but I was slowly remembering it more. It was actually quite nice talking to her in Dutch, it reminded me of the days that I spent in the Netherlands back when my mother was still here.

I looked over at her. I had actually thought about this quite a lot. "I mean yea..but it's not like my dad would ever let me.." I sighed knowing that this was true. He would never let me play for another team other than the US. 

"Well shouldn't you be the one choosing?" She said questioningly. "I mean no disrespect to your father but I mean it is your career."

I sighed. "I wish, but he's sort of the person who gets to decide. I mean he's the one who decided for me to sign with Arsenal. I just kinda..do what he says." I shrugged. I didn't find anything weird about this. It had always been him telling me what to do and I had always just followed his directions. 

Viv looked at me weirdly. "Did he not ask you if you wanted to play for Arsenal before you signed?" 

I just shook my head. "No he didn't. He kind of just come to me one day and told me that there was a club in England interested in signing me and that we were going to visit in a few days."

"That's kinda peculiar isn't it? Isn't it usually the player who decides where she plays?" Viv said with a laugh. I just shrugged my shoulders again not knowing how to answer. "Well Sarina, the manager for Holland was talking to me about you. She would be happy to call you up for the Netherlands senior team." 

Viv looked at me. I didn't know what to say. The national team coach wanted me to play for her? On the senior team?! "I mean that would be so awesome. I'm currently only playing on the youth teams for the US so it would be cool to actually play with the senior team." I said happily. But then remembered. "But still, my father wouldn't let me."

"Well if you tell Sarina that you want to play for her and she gives you the official call up and you accept, your father can't really do much can he. I mean you live practically on the other side of the world."

"Well...I suppose that would work." I said skeptically. "I need a while to think about it."

"Yea take your time. I get it because once you decide the senior team you're playing for you can't really back can you." Viv said with a little laugh. "We have a international break coming up mid January and Sarina wants to call you up then. So as long as you have an answer before that I'm sure it'll work out great."

The question of whether I should stay with the US and keep playing at the youth level for the next few years or if I should switch nationalities and start playing for the Dutch senior team, was all that was in my mind for the next few weeks. Finally around the end of December I had my answer.