Life of sadness 18+

don't think

The doorbell rang and Richard slowly woke up.

*Ringing

"Hey Richard!! Richaaaaard!! Can you finally open up the fucking Door??!

Paul was still lying on Richard's chest and Richard carefully took him off and placed him on the bed. A sleepy Richard put on the first sweatpants he could find and covered Paul with a duvet because he was still naked. He immediately went to open the door.

"Richard, next time open the door before fifteen minutes.

"Schneider what are you doing here? It's almost evening.. *He said sleepily

I" want to see how Paul is doing and Till wants to apologize for the night that the incident happened, right?

"Right..*It came from behind the door

"Hallo Till.. *Richard said annoyed
Unfortunately, Paul is sleeping now and I don't know if it's a good idea to wake him up now, and I have to change his drip.

"We'll just look at him, we'll be quick. *Schneider said

Till just nodded and Richard let them in, the boys went to the bedroom and when they saw Paul they noticed he was bleeding.

"Richard why is Paul bleeding!? Till said scared

Richard saw a red stain on the duvet and remembered that he had forgotten to change Paul's bandage and that one of the stitches must have come loose when they slept together.

"Guys, you can go quickly to the bathroom, I have another bandage there, but I'll change it quickly!

Schneider ran to the bathroom while Till walked closer to Richard.

'Hey Richard can I help you there..?

Richard uncovered Paul's leg and untied the bloody bandage.

"No, fine, I can do it by myself. *Richard snapped

"Look Richard, I'm sorry that what happened happened, I've also been in love many times, once.. a long time ago.. I dated a man for a while.. but nobody knows about it until now..

Richard stopped for a moment and stopped untying Paul's bandage..

"You what..?

"Yea I dated a man. You heared me before. His name was Walter.. He was a nice guy.. So don't be mad at me i know this feeling very well.. And if you don't mind don't tell this anyone.. Neither Paul.

Richard looked at Till with his mouth half open and wanted to answer him, but in the meantime Christoph arrived with a new bandage.

"Oh thank you Schneider. *Richard said, still taken aback

"Is something wrong Richard? *Schnei asks him

Richard just shook his head in disapproval and asked Till to lift the sleeping Paul's leg up so he could wrap a new bandage around his thigh. When they finished, Schneider told the guys to say hi to Paul and left. Now only Till and Richard were left together as Paul was still asleep so Richard told Till they were going to the living room. Richard made Till tea as he wished and sat down on the couch beside him.

"Hey Till.. about Walter.. can I ask you something? "Richard said nervously..

"Ah... Yea..

"Soo.. Where should I start.. why didn't you tell anyone and yet you are married.. does your wife know about this? And.. are you gay..?

'Look Richard I'm not gay but I like flings but I fell in love with this man and I loved my wife and the girls too. So I can not be gay. And I didn't tell anyone so that it wouldn't become public.. I was also ashamed because everyone would judge me..

"I'm not judging you. I love Paul, I stood up for him when he couldn't stand up for himself, why aren't you with Walter anyway? When did you even date him?

"Five years ago.. we broke up, after a three-year relationship..

"Are you fucking kidding me Till?! Fucing three years?? Like wow.. And so long ago? I guess you liked him a lot, why aren't you with him anymore?

"He broke up with me.. due to the fact that I'm famous I didn't want to go out with him in public or go out.. so we only saw each other at my house or at his place.. he was the same age as you Richard xd but I knew he loved me.. but he can not handle the fame of me And seeing me just in our houses.. So He broke up with me..

"I'm sorry Till.. I believe he still likes you, you should contact him.

"No, what's past is past. I don't want to change it. *Till said calmly

Richard just nodded and chatted with Till for a while before Till started on his way home. After Till left, Richard went to see Paul. Paul was still asleep and Richard checked him to make sure he was okay and gave him a new bag with a drip.

"Hey Paulie Its time for be awake. *Richard whispered softly

Richard stroked Paul's chest while Paul slowly opened his eyes.

"Reesh.. what time is it..?

'Ehm actually.. 8pm heh..

"Let me sleep..

"ok Paulie but Till and schnei were here Till apologizes for what happened and I have to say hi to you from Schnei.

Richard said quickly and Paul fell asleep again. Richard went to light a cigarette and thought about Till..

"He can't be gay.. like he had a boyfriend.. he loved him.. why doesn't he even try to contact him.."

After thinking for a long time, Richard returned to Paul and lay down next to him, kissing his neck gently and caressing his side. Paul just curled up in a ball and let Richard cuddle him. Both boys fell asleep, but after a few hours Richard woke up again... he went to drink and thought again.. He got out of bed and went to the balcony to light a cigarette. He thought about everything and suddenly remembered his children whom he loved above all. He started crying, he already felt like a bad father, what if he disappoints the children even more when they find out he is gay.. That's when a limping Paul appeared behind him with the biggest t-shirt that he found in Richard's closet.

"Don't cry Reesh..

"Richard didn't expect it, he quickly wiped his tears and turned to Paul.

"I'm not crying, I just got cigarette smoke in my eyes* said Richard cautiously

'Rich.. what's bothering you..

Richard couldn't stand it and wept again..

"Paul I love you, I love you with all my heart.. but I have a family, children and I am already a bad father.. what will happen when my children find out that I am gay..

Paul didn't say anything, he just came closer to Richard and put his hands on Richard's shoulders, his head resting on Richards chest..

"Richard.. I don't know what they will say.. but I know they will find out about us.. And dont be scared.. your kids Are not kids anymore.. Merlin Is adult man And Khira Is a lady.. they Are not kids.. they will understeand I promise.."

Richard hugged Paul and kissed his forehead, then helped Paul to go to bed..Richard laid Paul down and prepared him for sleep, he waited for Paul to fall asleep... but he did not go to sleep...