Trusting Desire

Chapter Five

Mark’s P.O.V.

Roger is sitting beside me on the table, it feels nice to be home finally. Seeing him again, seeing those green eyes, I know that I am finally ready. And I know how I want to tell him.

I sit up and wrap my arms around his neck, “Can we go into your room?”

“Sure,” he picks me up in his arms and carries me into the room, he puts me down on my feet.

I’m a little wobbly at first but I take a deep breath and steady myself. It’s nighttime so the room is mostly dark, but moonlight is coming through the window. I take Roger’s hands and look into his eyes, this is it. I wanted a special first kiss, and there is no one I’d rather have it with. I stand on my toes to reach his lips. It’s quick and chaste. Just a peck on the lips, I look at home, nervous and questioning. But there is no question when he wraps his arms around me, leans down, and kisses me back. This kiss is longer and slower, and this time his tongue is intertwined with mine. We pull back after a few minutes; Roger’s lips glisten in the moonlight. I let go of him and take a step back.

He takes a step forward to follow me but I place my hand on his chest and shake my head, he understands and steps back. I’m surprisingly calm as I pull my hoodie over my head. This is my last chance to turn back, but I’m not afraid. I trust Roger, I’m ready for this. I throw my hoodie on the floor and remove my shirt, revealing my tightly wrapped chest. Roger doesn’t get it right away, he looks so adorable when he gives me that confused expression. I unwrap the bandages, meeting his gaze as they fall to the floor. My courage falters, just for a moment, I get the urge to cover up but I don’t.

I am standing in Roger’s room, topless and binder less, watching Roger’s expression. He doesn’t get angry; he doesn’t recoil or yell. He steps forward, slowly, and looks at me for permission as he does. I give him a small nod and he takes my hand and leads me to his bed. I lay down and he kneels over me, leaning down to kiss me on the neck.

“You’re really handsome, you know that, Mark?” he whispers in between kisses.

I don’t answer him, I don’t want him to know that I’m on the verge of crying. I did it, I came out to Roger and now he is on top of me in bed. And he is kissing me and telling me I’m handsome.

He pulls his head back and I whimper slightly at the loss of contact, “Is this, okay?”

I nod and slide my hands under his shirt, he takes it off.

Roger’s P.O.V.

     Mark is silent as we stand in my room, I don’t know what he is going to tell me but no matter what it is I am going to be here for him, because I love him. And I can’t lose him again. Mark takes my hands; I love when he lets me hold his hands. They fit so perfectly in mine. And they are so different from mine, his are small and smooth, mine are large and calloused. He takes me by surprise as he places a quick, kiss on my lips. I freeze for a second, should I say something? Should I tell him I have feelings for him? He is looking at me like he is waiting for approval, I decide actions are better than words. I wrap my arms around the smaller man’s back and lean down and kiss him back. Our second kiss is longer and harder, and open mouth this time. Mark is a good kisser. Our tongues dance around each other.

Mark is the first to pull away, but I don’t want to stop kissing him. He takes a step back and I try to follow him but he stops me. As much as I want to kiss him, I can tell from the look in his eyes that he needs this, that he needs to tell me whatever it is he is trying to tell me. I step back and let him. He takes off his hoodie and throws it on the ground, his shirt is filled with holes and the collar is stretched, I need to get him more clothes. He removes his shirt and reveals bandages, wrapped tightly around his chest, is he hurt? I must look confused because he just smiles at me and starts removing the bandages.