Beyond All Rules ✔️

Chapter Fifteen

KENNEDY

Rising with the birds to paint is my happy peaceful place. I live for the moments when I get to witness the first rays of the sun and try to capture their beauty. However this morning I cannot bring myself to get out of bed. If I'd gotten drunk last night then maybe I could have used being hangover as an excuse. Actually maybe it would have been better if I'd consumed alcohol because it would have explained why I did some of the things that I did.

I turn over to lie on my stomach and bury my face in my pillow to muffle my scream. I cannot believe that I gave Isaiah a lap dance. Mortified doesn't even begin to explain how I feel as I recall that specific memory. I should not have let Jade get under my skin like she did. But when she called me a skinny white girl I lost it.

I used Isaiah to win a fight! Oh God! He must have thought I was crazy though I'm glad he went along with it. If he had said no I would have died of embarrassment but maybe that would have been better than what I am feeling right now.

Standing up for myself was the right thing to do but using Isaiah like that was uncalled for. I consider texting him an apology but I don't even know where to begin.

He was so sweet offering to leave the party with me and walk me home. Things got serious for a moment when he called me out on my bullshit. I didn't realize that he has been watching me so closely. When he asked why I always hold back, I panicked. I didn't lie when I said that I'm always afraid of saying the wrong thing when I'm hanging out with them because of cultural differences but it's not the main reason I hold back. I don't want them to know who Jane Kennedy Foster truly is. They might not like that person and I'm already having a hard enough time with all the bullies. Sure I have friends now but if they find out we're from different social classes they will start icing me out and I don't want that.

I honestly don't know what to say or do anymore so I call the one person who never lacks a solution to my problems.

"Kenny it's six am in the morning, is everything okay?" Astrid asks as soon as she picks up her voice laden with sleep.

"I'm sorry to wake you but I really need to talk to you." I reply.

"Can it wait until I've had my morning coffee?"

"No, it's an emergency."

"Okay tell me what happened. How was the party last night? Kiss any boys?" She teases.

I hear shuffling on the other side like she's sitting up in bed or making herself more comfortable. I love how she immediately forgoes sleep when she hears the desperation in my voice.

"No but I did give Isaiah a lap dance." I answer cringing at the words.

"You did what?!"

Her reaction is to be expected so I quickly explain myself. "Some girl dared me and called me a skinny white bitch so I had to do it."

"So you gave Isaiah a lap dance?"

"Yes."

"How did it feel?"

"For him or me?"

"Both but mostly him."

I think about it and realize that we didn't even get the chance to talk about it afterwards. He only asked about me and how I'm such a good dancer. "We didn't really talk about it but he seemed to enjoy it."

"That's my girl and you?"

"It felt good to put that bitch in her place." I grin recalling the look on her face when she saw that I could actually dance.