Mess [ Pakhi Ghkkpm ]

3. Agonies

3. Agonies

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It seemed that her agonizing was not over. In the hours and days after she sent the text message, she debated endlessly over deleting or rescinding it. A constant thought came into her mind; who are you to him?

“Patralekha beta,” she was brought out of her thoughts with Badi Mami’s voice, “where is your focus? Drink your tea before it gets cold.” Pakhi looked down at her hands that were indeed holding a cup and saucer. Her tea had certainly cooled, but the thought of consuming anything seemed to turn her stomach. She put the cup on the coffee table in front of her. “I don’t really feel like tea.”

She looked up at hearing a huff and met the eyes of a clearly offended Karishma. “It looks like Patralekha bahbhi got distracted by something… or someone?” The younger girl taunted and indicated across the room where Virat was pacing and speaking softly on the phone. From his irritated tone Pakhi could tell he was likely speaking to Sai. The only one who evokes any emotion in him, apparently.

Pakhi stared at Karishma, facing a dilemma. She could easily put Karishma in her place and wipe that smug smile off her face. She could insult her tea, she could scold her to watch her tongue, she could confront and embarrass her by asking her to clarify her implication. But all this seemed so tiresome. Why? Why engage in unnecessary conflict? She felt Badi Mami, as well as the whole family’s eyes on her, waiting for her usual sugary sharp responses. What would be the point of putting Karishma in her place? There could be a time in the future when these very elders would no longer be with them and it could be just she and Karishma. Did she really want lifelong animosity?

No, she didn’t. So instead of a retort, Pakhi nodded her head and agreed, “You’re right Karishma. I’ve been thinking about Smarat.”

All the elders stared at her, surprised. Pakhi realized that it was a rarity for her to mention her MIA husband. She shifted in discomfort, her cheeks colouring. A wide smile came onto Badi Mami’s face. “You do him proud by always keeping your head up Patralekha. This is how he would want it.” The other elders smiled proudly at her as well. “What have you been thinking about?”

Pakhi was, if anything, excellent at thinking on her feet. “Well, Aai has been very sad without him and I’ve been thinking that I want to lift her spirits.” She was met with more proud smiles. In that moment Pakhi understood that her sugary words, though untrue (not that she didn’t want to cheer up Aai, but that Aai is certainly not the reason she has been so distracted), were easily lapped up by these people, but Karishma and Sai, who often spoke bitter truth, were outcasts. They couldn’t be this simpleminded and naive, could they? “Do you all have any thoughts?” She enquired to the elders.

There was some discussion amongst the family members on ways they could bring a smile to their sister’s face. Finally it was Ashvini Mami with the winning idea, “Mansi Tai used to go to Tirupati every year with Samrat, remember? It used to make her so happy. She hasn’t been able to go in some years.”

“Why hasn’t she been able to go?” Pakhi enquired curiously.

Badi Mami looked sad as she explained, “Samrat joined the Army and had to go to his station, and she didn’t want to go without him. Patralekha beta, it would make your mother-in-law very happy to go there, and only you can convince her to accompany you.”

What have I gotten myself into? I should have just put Karishma in her place. Pakhi huffed.

She met eyes with Virat who now sat on the opposite couch. He looked pained at the conversation and while one part of her rejoiced to see that he was still affected by her and disliked her attention elsewhere, another part of her felt a twinge of pain too.