Mess [ Pakhi Ghkkpm ]

4. "Who are you?"

4. "Who are you?"

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Pakhi got settled into her seat on the train beside Aai. However this pilgrimage to Tirupati had come about, Aai appeared more cheerful, and Pakhi was happy to get away from the tense home environment for some days. She had even brought her camera along and was hoping to explore the temple site.

It felt weird to be in leggings again but Pakhi was grateful for the freedom of movement they afforded. She couldn’t imagine going through this journey in a saree. It was going to be a long 26 hours.

As the train departed, Aai started to tell Pakhi of their previous pilgrimages to Tirupati. Apparently it was something that Samrat did as a child with his Aai and Baba, and once he lost his Baba, he insisted on continuing the tradition with Aai. It was so heartening when Aai talked about Samrat. At the time of her marriage, Pakhi remembered hearing often about what a nice person Samrat was, however her attention was solely elsewhere. Now, she was starting to understand what an amazing human she had married.

Aai was telling Pakhi of Samrat’s trips to the city palace which caught her attention. “There’s a palace there too?”

Aai smiled a fond smile and nodded. “There is. There’s also a national park. Samrat once mentioned you like to explore places and take pictures. Once we arrive, why don’t you book a city tour beta?”

Pakhi frowned at the suggestion. “Are you sure? We are going there for a purpose.”

“We will be there for the whole week. You can take one day to yourself and tour around.”

Pakhi agreed and started to look online for day excursions and city tours.

It was approaching midnight, and while Pakhi was exhausted from sitting on the train all day long, sleep would not come to her. She wasn’t able to get Virat and Sai out of her mind.

She wasn’t blind. She could see that things were changing between them. There was less animosity and frustration when they spoke. There were fewer arguments and resulting dramatics in the house.

She was a glutton for punishment and liked to hang around their room so she might catch snippets of conversation and gauge how the understanding the communication between them was blossoming. Lately there had been many evenings where she heard light laughter and animated conversation.

All of this was breaking her heart.

Virat had promised her that no one would enter his life and his heart, and here he was, opening himself more and more to Sai. Pakhi wasn’t sure whether he even realized this, but it was clear to her.

Pakhi was starting to realize that it was unrealistic for Virat to keep his heart closed to anyone but her, but did he not see how cruel it was to her to just disregard her so soon and move on so quickly? Had she meant nothing to him?

Tears welled her eyes when she thought back their time together at the yoga retreat. It felt like the last time she was happy.  The way Virat had looked at her, like she was the only one there. The way Virat had understood her, just from a few meetings. His outward affection and attention. All these things made Pakhi feel like she was seen, like she was important to someone.

Now there was nothing. She was invisible in a crowd.

Less than 4 months had passed since she had entered Chavan Nivas. How was she supposed to live her whole life like this?

The following morning they arrived at Tirupati and checked into a hotel close to the temple. It was an old property with chipped stone stairs, no elevator, rickety old beds, and questionable bathrooms. However, Aai had told her that this was the place she and Samrat always stayed, so this is where Pakhi has booked a suite for them.