Entangled into a family that isn't her own, Seph finds herself teetering on the edge of the world. Each summer, she ventures into the heart of Cousins, a place candied in memories and youth. This year, however, the weight of age pulls her down, and...
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I've always wondered what the difference between death and daydreams are. I see the horizon when I close my eyes, a big blue sea. The sun slips behind clouds, eager to dip its toes into depthless water. There are birds, the peaceful kind, with feathers softened by innocence and bellies so full there's enough for hundreds of offspring. There's sand that is cool to the touch and seashells and crabs and turtles and white capped waves. I imagine this, too, is what it's like in death. It's what I will see when life and daydreams no longer suffice a reality I long for.
I think this way because I am rooted in trauma. I breathe dark pasts and submerge in missed opportunities. Acid sits in my throat. It waits. Like a lioness seeking prey. It rises and falls with each memory and sometimes I can't stop it. Sometimes, just sometimes, I allow myself to spit it out. I empty my stomach and all fears with it. In this state, my mind is hardly my own. I drift in and out of different lives. I am a knight in a kingdom of wealth, a seamstress with magical thread, and a musician renowned throughout the land. These identities are my lifeline. They're what blur the line between my mind and what lies before me.
I don't mind being wired this way. I excuse it as a short-circuit in my brain and carry on with these fantasies. Day in and day out, I wear these masks I hardly find to be a disguise. No, they are too real to be a trick. Why is it that a life of warmth and love isn't my own? That doesn't make sense. That isn't fair.
I will say, however, I haven't always felt this way. There were times when I didn't care much for the afterlife or for becoming an "imaginary" hero. As a child, I lived in a way I'd now consider spoiled. Warm blankets that covered my toes, full bellies and action movies. Pure luxury. Homemade food, a laugh or two, staying up past bedtime. I even had a pair of unicorn slippers I ran in until my toes dared to stretch beyond them. Although this cloud of impending depression seemed to follow me everywhere, there were times when the sky was clear and bled a vibrant blue. It had a sun so bright that you were forced to shield your eyes. I crave this feeling, even now as I become consumed by the violent storm that makes me, me. A teenager in a home that's not mine yet belongs to me. Once a year, for two months, I am entirely and endlessly at peace. Until this summer.
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authors corner. hello. :)
i am smiling so much writing this AAA. it feels so nice to be back 🤍🤍
i started writing this fic as a little personal project and it just brings me so much happiness so i figured i'd share it!!
i am now a college student (which is crazy because i started writing on wattpad as a high school freshman) so i will be balancing lots of school work, exams, and whatnot. but i really have a nice amount of free time so updates won't be painstakingly slow. i'm just kind of taking it one day at a time.
anyway, that's all! thank you to everyone reading and especially thank you to those who are still here and have waited <3
im just really happy to see where this story goes!
