Caged Byrd

Chapter 16 - Our Story

Jamie was the picture of serenity when she slept well. There were no traces of fear or sadness. No distrust or wariness. She looked at peace.

She hadn't had nightmares last night. I had expected them. Especially after the panic attack yesterday. A hot coal settled in the pit of my stomach. I took a slow breath through my nose before releasing it, forcing myself to calm. I allowed myself another glance at Jamie before leaving the room.

The sun had only risen thirty or so minutes ago. I had watched the morning light trace her face.

I wandered into the kitchen and perused the fridge looking for inspiration. It was a few minutes before I settled on sausage, eggs, and coffee. I made sure to make a portion for Jamie as well. I was about to set hers in the microwave so she could heat it up when she woke but when I looked up, she was standing there on the other side of the counter.

Her curls were a tousled mane, framing her face as she peered at me through a sleepy haze. Her shirt hung loose, her shoulder peeking at me through the neck hole. "I don't remember falling asleep." Her voice was husky.

Warmth spread through me as I took her in. Beautiful. "You were exhausted," I said as gently as I could.

She didn't meet my eyes as she approached the counter, reaching out to pluck a sausage off the plate in my hand. "Can we just..." She cringed and closed her eyes as she continued. "Could we just not talk about yesterday or the night before?"

Although I'm sure she thought ignoring it would make it less uncomfortable, it wouldn't. She was going to end up holding it inside and it would fester.

"You'll have to be more clear. What specifically don't you want to talk about?" I said. I could almost feel the discomfort radiating off of her.

"Alex..." she grumbled, fidgeting. I withheld the smile that tugged at my mouth. She flushed such a pretty pink when she was embarrassed. She grabbed the plate from the counter, leaving me a sausage short. "The kiss on the camping trip."

"Yes," I purred, raising my mug of coffee to my lips.

"That was a lapse in judgment. I didn't want you to be angry at me about the cliff diving incident." I nearly choked on my coffee.

"Cliff diving incident?" I laughed. I laughed, but I was still mad about that. And sore. She flushed. I stared at her until she looked back. "You pushed me, Jamie." She bristled at the tone in my voice.

"You said I wouldn't," she said defensively, narrowing her eyes at me. The spark in her eyes brought light to mine. I loved it when she pushed back. I'd let her push me again. I'd let her push me a dozen times, because something had changed when she had. It was like she had realized she didn't want to hurt me or realized that she was glad that I hadn't been hurt.

"So you don't want to talk about the kiss?"

"No." The word was curt and pointed.

"Okay fine," I said, eating a forkful of egg. "What else?"

She glared at me. "I don't want to talk about our therapy session either." I raised an eyebrow.

"I think that's something important for us to revisit." I understood why she didn't want to talk about it now. She didn't remember what happened, just that something did happen. With how anxious she was on a day to day basis, it made sense that she didn't want to remember. Blocking the memory was obviously a result of trauma. It was likely the reason she had all this internalized anxiety surrounding sex, intimacy, trusting others, and lack of real world friends.