Until it comes back to you

when the pain you caused

"Today was so long and they forced us to sit there for the assembly for what felt like hours. Seriously they could have cut out half of the new year trash when we all know what happens" Yoongi slumped down on the seat by the table in the cafeteria with his food tray and a tired expression.

"Yeah the only thing that truly mattered was...well the mention of Tae" Hoseok sighed as he picked at his food looking down at his own food tray and the others at the table simply nodded in silent agreement. Jungkook gritted his teeth at the mention of him but tried his best to not visibly tense up.

"Atleast we know he would have also agreed that they made us sit there for way too long. I could just imagine him whining that his poor butt has gone numb from sitting so long yet still have that large smile on his face" Namjoon laughed out softly before he bit down on his lip and shook his head.

Jungkook felt himself tense up more as the others agreed softly with fondness and longing in their eyes but he felt his feelings get more grounded when he felt a familiar touch of an arm wrapping around his back in support and he turned his head seeing Jimin look down poking his food with his other hand.

The only one who understands me....

"I still can't believe it's been a year...it still feels so recent" Seokjin mumbled under his breath and Jungkook wanted to hold in the urge to bang his head against the table. He should have expected it, of course they would mention him more on that day.

He still can't remember when the fear and sadness from the death turned into irritation but honestly he did feel sad and there was times he missed the boxy smile but he had gotten something much better in return and it would be seem like he didn't appreaciate what he got if he mourned the loss of his ex best friend.

He started it anyway....it was his fault he realised it later...it was Taehyung's fault he died...

Jungkook got lost in his thoughts as he mindlessly ate his food with the comforting hand still supporting him until a sentence stopped him mid bite as he raised his head with wide eyes at his older friend.

"Yeah I am still on for having a small get together tonight in memory of Tae. I assume we are all going to be there though...right? You both too right... Jiminie...Kook?" He felt as if time stopped as the question was asked to both of them and he felt his heart speed up.

He didn't want to go, it was the first time one of them mentioned this to him since he knew they were most likely still going to hold something in Taehyung's memory but they never asked Jungkook if he wanted to join after the funeral since they thought the younger was too broken after the death to handle it and they supported him in his own way of grieving.

Honestly it shouldn't surprise him much he was asked after all this time yet hearing Jimin's name being mentioned he felt dread fill his body.

His hyung would say no right? Jimin always stood by his side when he 'wasn't ready' to face anything Taehyung related. So he would choose him, he was sure. To support him he would say no and try to make him feel better by comforting him right?

.....right?

Jungkook could almost feel the silence surrounding the table waiting for their answers but before he could even think of using his grieving excuse he heard a small whisper like answer from next to him making his heart drop.