18. Emma

130 4 0
                                    

I felt like a scolded child who had their favorite toy taken away. Only in my case it was my daughter. I didn't know what I was expecting with Harry. Maybe an apology and then we would morph into the perfect family and the past couple months never happened. I knew I handled it wrong, then again I handled everything wrong so that wasn't anything new. I had just missed him so much. Every day felt like torture away from him and I knew it was my own stupid fault too. I hadn't even begun to imagine that he might be angry with me all I could focus on was how much I had missed him. He had been doing fine without me. He got a dog and he looked in better shape than I had ever seen him. I rubbed my eyes and I waited at a stop light. I had come straight here as soon as I got off the plane this morning. The jet lag was catching up to me. I found a hotel downtown and parked and walked into with my suitcase. I got a room and made my way up. It was a small room with a double bed, a bathroom and a television. I closed the door and dropped my suitcase before sitting down on the edge of the bed. I put my face in my hands and started crying, frustrated with myself for even leaving in the first place.

Two long days later I heard from Harry. I had spent most of my time sleeping and doing work for my online classes. I heard the cheerful ding of my phone and looked at it in surprise. Harry and I had never really texted each other, we mostly called each other. Then again we had never gone more than a couple days without talking to each other. I looked at the message which was a simple 'can you come over? –H' I replied yes and then grabbed my bag I stuffed some clothes and my laptop in it just in case. I stopped in front of the mirror before leaving the room. I checked my reflection before realizing that I was being ridiculous. I was going to see Harry; he'd seen me at my worst. I still quickly swiped some lipstick over my lips as a precaution.

I walked up the drive and knocked on the door, taking a deep breath to steady myself. The door opened and Harry stood there. I couldn't read his expression. I used to know what he was feeling without even looking at him. I blinked away sudden tears. I was such an idiot. Harry moved aside and I walked into the house. Harry started walking towards the kitchen and I followed him. I looked around, Harry had set up a playpen in the living room and Allison was playing happily. I smiled when I saw her. I wouldn't have survived the past couple months without her.

"Coffee?" Harry asked as we entered the kitchen. I jumped at his voice.

"No thank you." I said. He shrugged and poured himself a cup.

"2 sugars, 4 creams." I said quietly. He turned and looked at me.

"You still remember that?"

"Of course." Something flashed across his face too quick for me to read.  He sat down heavily and I sat across from him. He stirred his coffee absently. I examined my fingers.

"Where did you go when you left?" he asked. I looked up at him but he was still looking down at his coffee.

"I-I went to my parents."

"But you don't like them."

"I figured it was time to forgive and forget." Harry grunted. We both knew I didn't forgive or forget easily. I swallowed nervously.

"I-uh. I told them that if a wedding did happen I would send them an invitation." Harry finally looked at me. I couldn't read his blank face.

"Are you asking me to marry you?" His tone told me the answer was no.

"No. Maybe."

Harry sighed and looked away. I wondered how far I would stick my foot into my mouth by the end of this conversation.

"Why did you leave?" I could hear the raw hurt that he was trying to hide in his voice. I took a deep breath.

"For so long I felt as though it was you versus me. I was so stupid. I felt like my problems would only bother you, I was afraid to trust you. That's why I went to Liam most of the time, I knew I should have been going to you but...I just couldn't. My own fear that you wouldn't listen to me kept me from even trying to talk to you." I paused. I thought I would feel relieved to get all this off my chest but instead I just felt ashamed of how I acted.

"And then when we moved. I hated you. I couldn't even fathom why you would do this to me. I was jealous of how happy you were at your job and all your friends while I stayed home and sulked all day. I was so jealous that you came home smiling every day with stories to tell me while I could only smile and nod. I was petty and bitter and so incredibly selfish. I could see my entire life becoming dirty diapers and laundry. I felt trapped. Then I realized that I could actually do something. I started looking around and I realized that I wanted a job in publishing so I signed up for online classes. Then when we started arguing and you asked me about it, I panicked. In my mind I thought you would stop me. So I packed up and ran and I took Allison away from you. I am so sorry. All of this is my fault." I felt tears run down my cheeks and I furiously brushed them away. I felt like I couldn't stop crying the past couple months. Harry's eyes were red too.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispered.

"I was afraid you wouldn't listen." Harry stood up and I stood up too. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"It's not your fault."

"I forgive you."

I'm sor-"

"Shh. Forgive and forget." Harry said.

The PublisherWhere stories live. Discover now