Raph's Nightmares

I can't lose you

And Donnie just runs off. Fine. Leo's passed out. Sure I'm worried. That makes my troubles fade, but I know it's going to be just temporary. They've run, but I drag my feet after them. Slowly the realization of the meaning of Mikey's words sinks in and I move faster. My brothers are standing at Leo's door, and I push Mikey aside to get in. My heart skips a beat and my mouth hangs open. I fling on Leo's body while Donnie is kneeling beside him. He yells at me, but I can't help it: I hug my older brother and shake him gently, begging him to wake up. His mouth is slightly open and something comes from it, something like dark drool. His eyes are closed and as I'm near him I can feel his feeble breathe, but I can hardly find his pulse. Donnie doesn't care about my reactions, and he simply slaps me across the face, so I drop Leo. He hits the floor with a thud and Donnie starts looking for his pulse. I hear him mutter something, but I can't think, I can't understand, and I have no idea why I am reacting this way. I just know that Mikey's taken me by the elbow and I am suddenly on my feet, following him to the kitchen, sitting down again. He looks worried, sad, with that childish look of him, staring at his toes, half whimping, and I know it's my duty as his older brother to comfort him. I know how weak his soul is, and how much he relies on us to feel secure. And my attitude isn't precisely helping.

"Hey Mikey" I whisper, and he stares at me. "It's gonna be OK, don't worry. Donnie's taking care of him, he'll be all right".

"Don't know, bro" his eyes search for a new place, far from mine. "It took me too much time to get Donnie there".

A punch in my guts. A twist. Ouch. I feel puke in my mouth and tears gathering behind my eyes, so I do what I always do when I feel at the edge of breaking. I stand up and punch the first time I see, which happens to be the microwave. It breaks, and I don't feel pain. I howl like an injured animal and aim for the fridge. Mikey stops me.

"Dude, dude! Ice-cream kitty is in there!"

The cat. The weird strawberry falvoured cat of his. I close my eyes and lean against the fridge door.

"It's my fault, Mikey. I was the one chasing you and you couldn't deliver the message".

I wait for his answer, eyes closed. I wait for someone to tell me that I am wrong. But I'm right. I'm always right. So he simply says it, he says I'm right and I scowl at him.

"Guys".

Donnie's voice denotes he has no good news. Mikey and I straighten up and look at him. He lowers his gaze.

"I have no idea what's going on with him. He's OK now, he's opened his eyes and is conscious, but he keeps vomiting that strange black slime... April's on her way. I told her to go to the pharmacy and get some medicine".

I miss half of his sentence since I'm already heading for the corridor. I slam Leo's door open, and he stirs in his bed the moment I storm into the room.

"How are you feeling, bro?" I ask.

"I've been better. I don't know, Raph. Mikey was asking me about one of my comic books when darkness came out of nowhere. It kind of sorrounded me and got inside me, and I couldn't breathe or stand my ground. Next thing I know, Donnie was soaking a rag and applying it to my forehead".

As to remind himself that that wasn't part of a nightmare, he touches his forehead and closes his eyes, clearly finding it cooled.

"Don't worry Leo. We'll find out". I grit my teeth and swear to God I will. No brother of mine is going to suffer in strange circumstances. Not on my watch.