Raph's Nightmares

No hope

By the time we arrive at the lair, Leo has fallen asleep.

Both Mikey and I are panting, due to how heavy our brother has gotten and how much we have run to get here as soon as possible. We have just put the stretcher down by the couch when we are greeted by someone pounding at one of the bedroom doors. By the sound of the screams that come along every pound, it is clear it is April. I automatically smirk and turn to Mikey.

"Did you do that?"

His puzzled expression gives me a hint about what answer he is going to utter.

"Uh... No... Why would I have done -"

His eyes widen with realization.

"oooh... what Leo said... It was all her fault!"

I nod and roll my eyes playfully. I can't be mad at him right now, after all he's gone through. After all that's happened. Nothing is going to go wrong from now on. Leo's back and safely asleep, not trapped in some sort of strange realm where someone's tampering with his mind. He's with me, and when he'll wake up, everything will go back to normal. We will be able to go back patrolling, kick some footbots. We will spar and pick on each other like we usually do. Man, I miss those stupid fights.

But first...

"Stay with him. I'll go check on Donnie".

Mikey doesn't object, he quickly sits down next to the stretcher and takes Leo's hand in his. I give him a reassuring smile even though I'm feeling I'm shattering into pieces inside. I take a deep breath before going through the lab's door.

And what I see almost brings tears to my eyes.

Donnie is sitting up, Master Splinter next to him, one of his hands on Donnie's back, so he wouldn't fall back down. My brother is rubbing his eyes, as if he has just woken up from a long nap. I almost feel tears behind my eyes, I shake my head and let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. That's when they both notice I have entered the lab.

"Raphael..."

"Raph! How is Leo? Where is Mikey?"

I smile a little, suddenly aware that my aspect must be worrying. Beaten up by my monster brother, twice, plus all those stupid kraang tryint to get to me. I raise my hands to reassure them, I'm feeling good. Actually, I'm feeling better than any time during the last weeks. I remember then I haven't been sleeping at all during the last days and I giggle quietly. Can this get any more awkward...?

"Leo's out there, Mikey's keeping an eye on him. We... Well, I'm not sure if we actually healed him" I look at Sensei, since I truly ain't sure. "I... used those scrolls and he actually recognized me. But he's fallen asleep again and although I have a good feeling about it, I can't be sure...".

Sensei puts a hand on my shoulder as he walks out of the lab. I glance up at him and try to smile, but suddenly, all my worries have returned. Not a single 'good job, Raphael'? Or how about 'don't worry, my son, you've done well'? I hate to admit it, but whenever Sensei is not confident about something, all my own confidence trembles and tends to disappear.

There is the possibility that I have only diminished my brother's pain. Brought him back only for a brief moment. After all, I have no idea bout how to use those scrolls or what to do with my hands while reading the signs.

I look over at Donnie, and I shrug when he gives me a reassuring smile.

"And how are you?" I ask him, sitting next to him, on the chair Splinter has just vacated. He sighs.

"Awful. You know, April..."

"I know...".

Yeah, it must be even harder for him, regarding that stupid crush of his. Don't get me wrong. I think it's cute he can keep his hopes up, and I know it really gives him something to fight for. But on the other hand... yes, I think it is a bit stupid. You know why. I don't think I need to ellaborate on this.

I gently put an arm around his shoulders, and he looks at me utterly surprised. Maybe he is just a bit drowsy due to that strange sleep he has been put into, but... His look only makes me remove my arm from his shoulders and look down, ashamed. So now it's him who pulls me closer. 

"It's OK, Raph. We've been through quite a few strange things lately. You more than anyone. But I'm alright now, nothing to be afraid of. I was stupid enough to trust April... How could I think she was suddenly able to help me heal?"

I see him furrow his eyebrows and I can't help cracking a smile. Let's lighten up the mood a bit, shall we? I punch him playfully on the forearm.

"Because you're madly in love with that redhead?"

He groans and covers his face.

"Right... that's why..."

"Hey... But Sensei came and saved the day. Everything went great. Now he will just heal Leo and we can return to our normal lives, kick some butts and eat some pizza. What do you say, huh?"

Donnie sighs and nods slowly.

"Sure, Raph".

"Dude, I want you to feel it!"

He smiles and shakes his head, in what I think it's an amused gesture? At least I hope it is. 

"Yeah, everything will go back to normal".

I grin. He believes it, then I do too. That is, until Sensei comes back into the lab, carrying Leo on the stretcher, Mikey gripping the other end, both of them looking solemn. Of course, Sensei looks most of the time solemn. But Mikey... His expression is what really scares me. When he is not smiling, things are going bad. When he is not smiling and poking his bottom lip out in a pout, while looking down, we are talking about major issues. 

"Everything... ok?" My voice cracks as my eyes go from Mikey to Sensei, trying to guess what they are thinking. Donnie is quick to slide off the desk he was sitting on to allow them to set the stretcher down on it. He pulls some of his machinery close, without anyone uttering a word. Our scientist just... Knows what needs to be done. 

However, Sensei puts a gentle hand on Donnie's arm and looks into his eyes. 

"He stopped breathing a moment ago".

There's where the world goes numb and I fall to my knees. I think I hear Mikey crying, but I can't be sure of anything, I can't hear over the deafening sound of my heart in my ears. 

Someone is holding me. 

But then, everything turns black.