Letters Of Apology

When Adrien Was Alive

"Would've been better if you would've taken defense babe." Adrien smiled his brightest smile. His dimples always melted my heart. "I don't think I could've done it any better than you" I smiled back.
We were having a basketball practice match, and trust me, I wasn't doing any better. The girls and the boys were doing it together today, which took me by surprise  as Mr. Smith always divides us into two groups to avoid distraction. I was trying my best to focus on the game instead of Adrien, but he was touching me randomly every two minutes which was sending butterflies to my stomach. He always does that. Says he can't resist it. My cheeks flushed at the thought of that.
"Focus Saorise!" The whistle literally shook the life out of me. I do not react very well to loud noises, especially when it is from Mr. Smith. "Do you even feel like playing today? I think so, no. You know what, you can take your time. Go sit down and watch everyone play. See how they focus." Adrien gave me a pitying look at the instant insult. I'm used to it anyways. Instead of arguing with Mr. Smith, I've learnt it's better to obey him. I lazily sat down at the steps, and looked around. I didn't focus on the game particularly since my eyes always settled on one person, Adrien, well two people to be exact, Jade as well. Whenever I'm not around him, she always tries to get close to him. I hate her, and sometimes Adrien as well, since he gets along with her quite well. Ughhh I hate the way jealousy feels. It feels like something is burning inside of you and the more you try to stop it, the more it spreads. I don't avoid jealousy anymore. I feel it to every extent, I let it take the best out of me and then I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I'm doing that right now as well....in..three...twoo........
Oh. My. God.
Whisky eyes, sharp jawline, brown hair, six feet frame.
I
Am
Drowning
~"Have I knows you for twenty seconds or twenty years?" ~
He picks up the ball, scores the point in less than a minute, and my gawwdd he is smoking hot.
It's like I can't take my eyes off him. I am making all kinds of scenarios in my head right now, because I can't control. I can't control staring at him every two seconds , I can't control smiling like a fool, I can't control making scenarios.
I can't control what I feel for him.......
He doesn't just send butterflies, he attacks me with them.
He doesn't make my cheeks flush, he makes my goddamn face Santa red.
It's insane, it's like I've never experienced this kind of intensity before. He's magic, this guy. What's his name?
"Phoenix! Bravo man! I knew you'd do better than any of us!" Wait, was that Adrien who said that?
Anyways, Phoenix.... His name's Phoenix. The Greek mythological bird, symbol of immortality. Yes, he's a bird, a bird I'm trying to catch it, and yes he is the symbol of immortal love. And affection. And everything...
Do I believe in love at first sight? Yes, from now on.
This is dangerous, feeling this kind of feeling. But instead of shaking it away, I take it all in... All of it.... Piece by piece.... And cherish the way it feels. God it feels so good. It's like I've never felt this alive before. Every cell in my body has come to life in just a beat of a second. I can't help but feel satisfied by this feeling. This is something I would call peace. I'm even worshipping this feeling. I quickly sent a prayer of gratitude to God.
Salvation, in all its forms is beautiful.
But I'm committing a sin, aren't I?
I'm supposed to be in love with Adrien, he's my soulmate, has been since middle school. He's the person I decided to get married to. I know it's very early to decide on things like that but trust me, we had THAT kind of love. But this .... I don't know what this is that I'm feeling for Phoenix. Maybe it's just a small crush, but the only person I've ever had a crush on other than Adrien was Robert Pattinson. And even that didn't feel THIS good.
"Saorise. Hey??!! Are you alright? What is it that you're looking at.......wait....do you literally have a crush on whiskey eyes?"
"What?" I blinked. Two times. I didn't realise Katy had come and sat next to me.
She's a gossip/drama queen. And if she finds out what I'm feeling for Phoenix, the whole school would probably know by sunset.
"Girl, I understand that dude's hot and all. But you have a boyfriend. You're not allowed to look at other guys like that. Anyone who notices would think you're sex dreaming about him".
I decide not to tell her that sex dreaming is actually not a term.
"I wasn't looking at him"
"Yes you were"
"No I wasn't"
"He's hot"
"NO!"
"Yes"
"......"
"So you were actually sex dreaming"
"That's... Nevermind"
"I know it's not a term"
And just like that we started laughing, I don't know why or what was actually so funny about our conversation, but the way her eyes played the humour part, it made me laugh, and soon her laugh followed mine. Something told me we would be best friends by the end of the day. She matched my vibe.
The vibe I'm SUPPOSED to have anyways.
"Okay, tell me something more about this dude. Did he join today?"
"I think so, yeah. I never saw him before."
And just like that.. we talked .
About all sorts of stuff.
Boys, drama , gossip, Jade, 
It's funny how sometimes it takes years for people to find the right person but I found mine in the flick of a second.
The love of my life and my bestfriend.
I'm getting way too cheesy but that's the thing about me.
And also, I know it when someone is meant for me. Katy was meant for me, to be my sister till the end of my time. And so was Phoenix, to be the boy I love till the end of my world. And so was Adrien, to be my boyfriend till the end of his life.
He was smiling at Phoenix and talking about the scores and all.
If only he knew Pheonix would be the reason his smile will fade forever.