The Gentle Cloud's and Purple Lotus's Second Chance

My Broken Heart Will Bleed

Jin Ling’s POV

I made my way with A-Yuan to a secluded pavilion. We just stood there for what felt like hours until I finally gained the courage to ask.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?” I whispered out.

“A-ling…” A-Yuan tried to say but I interrupted him.

“Did you not believe in my love for you? A-Yuan, do you not trust me ?” I asked,tears streaming down my face.

“A-ling… I’m sorry… I wanted to tell you so many times! But I just didn’t have the courage to, I didn't want to be another reminder of what happened to your parents and your uncle’s sect for you! I wanted it to only be us without those burdens,”

“But A-Yuan, just because we don't know… doesn’t mean that it’s not there,” I croaked out.

I closed my eyes and looked my sweet A-Yuan in the eyes. Oh, A-Yuan…

I took a deep breath and tried to find the strength to do what I’m about to do.

“A-Yuan…” I whispered his name, while caressing his face, wiping the tears from cheeks.

“I will always love you A-Yuan, no matter who you are, I will always love you! Don’t ever forget that!” I kissed his forehead and I could feel myself shaking.

“But! I have an obligation to my sect and to my uncle! I can not be seen courting a descendant of the sect that massacred my uncle’s sect and I don’t think my sect can handle another big  scandal!”

“A-ling..” A-Yuan gasped out. Tears continuously streaming from his face.

“I have to protect my uncle and my sect and us being together would hurt both!” I squeezed out after a long pause.

“I am so sorry my love, but I have to let you go now! I…I can not let anything threaten them. They…they are everything that I have left of my parents, of my family… I can not lose them!” I finally said.

We stayed standing with our foreheads touching each other, not wanting to let go of each other. That is until A-Yuan looked at me with sad eyes but also resolve. He pulled himself away and took a few steps back.

He smiled at me, the saddest smile I have ever seen. I fought the urge to go to him and hold him.

“I understand, A-ling!” He finally said with a trembling voice.

“Well, then thank you for all the wonderful years. I wish you all the best and the greatest of happiness. If you would excuse me, sect leader Jin!” He saluted, leaving me alone to finally break down to the floor.

I stayed there until Hui-ge found me and brought me back to my quarters where he interrogated me on what happened. I could clearly see the furry in his eyes, thinking that A-Yua… Lan Sizhui hurt me when it was exactly the opposite.

So, after some coaxing from his part and after he threatened to march up there and kick A-Y… Lan Sizhui’s ass even after me reminding him that it wouldn’t bode well for his and Jingyi’s sworn brotherhood if he attacked one of Jingyi’s closest friends, I told him what happened,

Ow Jingyi! He’s going to be so pissed! I sighed, I know how protective Jingyi could be when it comes to his loved ones and A-..Lan Sizui is one of them. I used to think that I am also one of them, but now…after today… I…I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath….

After I told him the story he just stared at me with sadness and concern in his eyes. “A-ling! It is not your fault nor is it his! It’s just life! Perhaps you both are not fated to be together, perhaps somewhere in the future you both will find your fated ones!” he said, patting my shoulders.

I just smile at him bitterly. The thing is I've already given all of my heart to him, I don’t there is anything left for me to give to anyone else. But I didn't say anything else after that, only let myself be held by Hui-ge until I fell asleep.

The next day, I made it my mission to avoid the Gusu Lan sect all together. I thought it worked until late in the evening, long after the Gusu Lan curfew when I felt it was finally safe to let my guard down, I felt a strong punch on my face when I was taking a walk around the garden getting drunk with the Lotus Wine I got from Jiu-jiu’s cellar.

I stumbled a few steps and I was confronted with furious and hurt eyes of Jingyi. “What in the hell is wrong with you Jin Rulan!” he seethed.

“You broke his fucking heart into peaces and clearly you are not doing too well your fuckingself!” he almost cried out.

“Jingyi…” I tried to start.

“Don’t bother explaining. Sizhui told me everything. For fucks sakes Jin Ling who fucking cares what other people think? If he is the person you love then you have to fight for them! So fucking fight!” he growled out at the end.

“Don’t you think I fucking want to Jingyi? But I can’t? I have my uncle, his sect, and my sect to think about. I don’t really want the whole fucking cultivation world to turn against any of them! My sect is too fucking fragile and my uncle and his sect has experienced enough shit in this life and 3 fucking life times after that!” I yelled out.

“If you really love him, you’ll fight for him no matter what, because if you were really in love with him than you would sacrifice anything for him, you would do anything for him! Or atleast fucking try!” Jingyi yelled back, his ears turning red from anger.

“I am a sect leader Lan Jingyi, you of all people understand what that means! I have an obligation to my sect and as my uncle’s nephew, I have an obligation as his nephew to protect him and his sect! That obligation trump's anything else! I would think as a sect heir, you would understand that much!” I gritted out at the end.

“No, I don’t ! Sizhui has done nothing wrong! I know my obligation as sect heir and what they will be after I become sect leader, but I do know that if I were in your position I would not let go of the person I love that easily! At the very least I would still fight for him with everything I have first, not fucking give up from the start!” he snarked back.

There was a long pause after that. I collected myself from the ground and brushed myself off from the ground and looked at him coldly.

“Well, I suppose that’s where we differ then!” I turned around with my jug of wine back to my room. After that we never talked again.

The next day, he and the entirety of the Gusu Lan sect with Wen Ning left Lotus Pier. A few days after gran-uncle Fei Ye and Shui left for Meishan and a week later it was time for me to leave for Lan ling.

I could tell jiu jiu was worried for me but I just didn’t have any more strength to appease him and knowing him, it wouldn’t work as I have never successfully hid anything from jiu jiu since I was child, so I don’t even bother acting fine.

He sent me off with a worried look on his face and all I could do was say an unconvincing “I was fine” and quickly leave the place where I fell for my first love.