The Unknown.

Chapter 12- Good start

Chapter 12

"Thank you, what I want to talk to you about is really important.. and I really hope you understand, I've been trying to connect the missing dots for so long, and I think I finally figured something out, and you're going to help me find out the rest"

Dread filled me as I ushered her towards my room. I was praying for this to be good.  

I affably  offered her to sit on my messy bed sheets, she slightly nodded and did as she was told. I was clasping and unclasping my hands in fluster. I felt my vertebral cords melt into a puddle of a mix of excruciation chemicals that burn my skin. Destroy me. The anxiety was of unbearable amount. It buried me in its folds. 

"Sooo, Spit it out"

I tenderly give her a broken smile, hiding my already delineated perturbation. It felt like walking in a concrete floor scattered with ice cubes all over. That heart compelling, the knots. The ignoring of the expansion of lungs, too many. Too many emotions to mention. I was overreacting, over-doing everything at these certain moments. I knew it had something to do with Adam, and if its Adam, I'm weak. I'm weak to my knees. I collapse. I might not do it physically, but deep in there, my organs shatter. One by one. I feel rocks draping over my figure. I feel the unfelt. It's Adam.

Adam.  

"You see, Adam has been... errrmmm" She mused a little bit, diverting her sight to the wooden door of my room, then to her high heels, and back to my face. "He's been odd lately"

I bide in.

"Odd?"

"Odd. Yes. His actions are very abnormal, it's not the brother I know, at all. His eyes,  his actions, I think he's doing something. Something..." She clammed up for a little bit. "Something bad."

"Do you mean-"

My fingers grazed the cotton fabric of my shirt's hem, expanding it for air. Beads of sweat started climbing on my forehead, I gawked at her. 

"Yes." 

No. No. Adam can't. He can't. He will not. He shouldn't. Why? Fear. Aversion.  Anxiety crippled my body. 

Bum.

Bum.

I could hear my heart beats burglarizing my ears. Acetyl Choline cleared, none was left. I was left frozen. Glued to my bed. Facial expression adhered. What had she just told me? Adam couldn't be. I wasn't going to let this happen. I'd do anything.

"I-is this why you wanted to see me?"

I sputtered, holding back the waterfalls from drenching my face. Holding back the quivering of my lips. Holding back my weaknesses. Holding back emotions.

 "Actually, no, there's something else"

I grunted deeply and squished my eyes closed. Inhaling, finally allowing air in my lungs. I opened my eyes to find her fidgeting with her fingers, I messed up. I made her nerves drown in guilt. I'm so horrible. Whoever I'm close to, I hurt.

Hurt. It's what I've been going through since I was born. Since I was a fetus. I was hurt. I was cultivated to being hurt, adapted. I adapted to being hurt. Hurt was my usuality. It's how I normally feel. What if I was inflicting that on others? What if? A drowning in a mess of ambiguous tentative feelings of unknown delirium. 

 "Its just that what he did at the barbecue mezzanine last time was.. odd. He likes you"She mused. "You know what? He LOVES you Amy."

I didn't know if my eyes glittered with happiness or grief of Adam's state. The state I cry when seeing, the state I've been trying to avoid for the past 18 years of my life. The unconscious state.