Donuts to Cats

Flerp Merp

Flerp Merp is a very heavy man. He enjoys cake and potato chips each morning for breakfast, bacon and a milkshake for lunch, and McDonald's for dinner. A general couch potato, he likes inactivity and eating (the latter being his specialty).

Because Mr. Merp goes to McDonald's every day, and because McDonald's is an olympic sponsor, he was able to get a spot on the US Olympic track team. When the news was announced, everyone laughed and poked fun at Flerp because he was so fat. However, no one knew what Store Manager Smith from location 405 knew...

One night, Manager Smith was closing McDonald's for the night. He saw Flerp walking down the street, presumably to get his dinner. But he was very far away. How sad, thought Smith. As he was locking the door, he glanced back and saw something as rare as a unicorn sighting... He saw Flerp (yes, Flerp) running. Full-on sprinting down the sidewalk, straight towards the restaurant. Smith thought he was dreaming- how could this fat man run so fast? Sixteen point three seconds later, Mr. Merp arrived at McDonald's, and wasn't even breathing hard.

"Something wrong, Manager?" he asked politely.

Snapping out of his daze-like state, the awe-struck man replied, "No, no. I was just closing up, but would you like something?"

"As a matter of fact, yes. But I know you know that. I'll take the usual, Smith!"

"Coming right up, Mr. Merp."

*end flashback*

So now, as Flerp lined up in his lane on the track, he gazed up at the white flag and the interlocking rings and recalled that night with Manager Smith from store 405. It made him smile and think positively about his race. Drumming his fingers on this stomach fat, he waited for the starting shot.

There it was. Flerp ran like the wind.

"Run, Flerp, run!" the audience shouted, amused and captivated by the unlikely competitor. An even bigger smile creeped across his face as he sprinted around the track. All he could think about was the delicious, artificial Big Mac that awaited him after the race.

CLOMP CLOMP CL-OMP CLOMP

Flerp's feet pounded on the ground like an elephant's.

"GO GO GO!" People shouted from the stands, waving red and yellow flags with the "M" he knew so well.

Other competitors were far behind Flerp as he pounded his way across the finish line. A great blob of fans engulfed him, giving him presents of chicken nuggets and deep-fried pickles. A tear rolled down his chubby cheek.

"Aww, thank you guys!" He initiated a large group hug, and the two people closest to him were unfortunately given broken ribs from the force of the collision. As ambulance sirens wailed in the background, picking up the two injured fans, Flerp Merp couldn't have been happier. He had run a spectacular race, had many fans, and could now go home and do what he loved most—

nothing.

—-

THIS WHOLE STORY IS A JOKE AND IS NOT EVEN MY BEST WRITING

I wrote it one day after my friend and I were joking around and we all laughed so hard at it that I thought I just had to post it.

I hope you're starting to see where the "randomness" of this collection is kicking in :)

~megamoo