COTE: Starting Over

Chapter 8

* 49 *

I would never be able to know now, but I wonder. If I had been given a fourth perfect chance to kill Takuya, would I have done it? Could I have?

I tried to avoid facing the idea of “killing someone” head-on when possible. Rationally speaking, I could never approve of murder.

It was too high-risk, after all. If only I were more charming, I would be better off not murdering anyone.

The biggest problem for me was that even if my crime managed to go undetected, my own guilt would soon give myself away.

So I wanted a method that felt detached from reality; rather than stabbing him with a knife or strangling him, I’d patiently wait for a moment to softly push him from behind to his death.

…Of course, like I said before, three of those chances had shown themselves and I let them all pass.

The fourth time would be different, though.

After meeting Nanase at the library, I had my confidence back. I believed then that things could go well with Nanase.

Before, I’d felt that perhaps Nanase was too unattainable for my second-life self. So even if I had killed Takuya, she would never take solace in me.

Thus, I let those three chances go to waste.

But once I talked to her again after years apart, I was sure. I was even convinced I was a better partner for Nanase than my first self.

In my first life, I’d been an extrovert and her an introvert, but the second time, we would both be introverts and get along better than ever. I was sure that would be the case.

Yet even with those feelings, the question of whether I’d really kill Takuya when given a fourth chance to… I couldn’t give an unconditional answer.

I didn’t have the guts to even punch someone; killing a guy like that may have been impossible from the start.

On the other hand, sometimes I had made decisions confidently enough to surprise myself, so it was possible I might kill Takuya without skipping a beat.

At any rate, I can’t know now. A fourth chance never came.

* 50 *

At a glance, everything seemed to be coming together. Almost too well, even.

Takuya went to a bar with Nanase and stayed there for an hour. After taking her to at the bus stop, he started walking for the train station. That part was his usual routine.

But that day, he took a strange route to the station. He purposefully walked places with few people, went down pitch black residential areas, shopping districts, and alleys.

It was like he was following a self-imposed rule that he had to turn at every corner he felt like turning. Unable to guess his destination, tailing him took a lot of effort.

Maybe he feels like walking alone, I thought. We all have those nights, don’t we?

The air was cold as metal, and the stars shone piercingly.

The lights leaking out of houses seemed unusually lovely that winter night. It was even better with a bit of alcohol.

Finally, the time arrived. Takuya was headed for a bridge.

I had done a scrupulous investigation of the town, and I knew there were no places more suited for pushing someone to their death than that bridge.

The railing barely went higher than knee-level. It was easily high enough off the ground for the fall to kill him, but even if it miraculously didn’t, being dropped into the river in frigid December would give him hypothermia and kill him with a heart attack.