Stan Marsh Vs The World

Chapter 4

"At least your band won," Kenny pointed out the next day.

Stan groaned. "I don't care...what the hell was that about?"

"Well, I got a hold of the email, but I'll let Kyle tell you whenever you decide to call him and make up."

"I don't know if I want to contact him."

"Okay, I would understand that if you had lost the fight, but you didn't! So have some pancakes that I lovingly made for you and call your boyfriend!"

When Stan still didn't move from the chair, Kenny came to kneel in front of him.

"Listen, I'm honestly rooting for you and Kyle to make this work and stay together. I think he's good for you, Stan, honestly. So, call him and arrange a date."

"You really think we can make it work?" Stan asked.

Kenny nodded. "Absolutely. And because I need you to move out already, and I really don't want to throw you to the streets."

He patted him on the shoulder and went back to the pancakes, grabbing the ringing phone on his way.

"Maybe that's your boy now...hello? Oh hi, Bebe, what's up? Oh what's that, you're outside?"

Stan stood up. "What!?" he whisper-yelled.

Kenny headed for the door as his panicking roommate looked for a place to hide but obviously found none.

"Is Stan here?" Bebe asked as the door was opened, Kenny quickly using it to cover Stan.

"Uh, you know what?"

Stan proceeded to jump out the window.

"He just left."

Bebe looked like she didn't know what to think, or do. "Really?"

"Yeah..."

Behind him, Stan reached through the broken window to grab his jacket.

"Sorry."

Kenny struggled to hide his amusement as he saw Stan hurrying off behind Bebe's back.

...

By some sheer luck, Stan managed to find Kyle on the bus.

"Hey, I've been wanting to talk to you. I'm sorry for leaving you there with all your questions," the red haired boy said.

"I should've read the email, huh?" Stan replied.

"Yeah, but it's fine, I didn't either. So...you ready for what I'm about to tell you?"

"I...I guess so."

"Alright...Heidi Turner is one of my exes. The email was about how she and the rest of my exes are coming to each fight you to the death. And in the case of the Cartman twins, they're both fighting you at once, but we'll worry about that when we have to."

Stan just nodded.

Kyle went on. "So, to summarise: if we're going to date, you'll have to defeat my seven evil exes."

"Y-you have seven evil ex girlfriends?"

"Seven evil exes, yes."

"And I have to fight-"

"Defeat."

"Defeat your seven evil exes if we're going to continue to date?"

Kyle nodded. "Pretty much."

Stan considered it. "So...are we already dating like, right now?"

"...yeah, we are."

"Huh...cool."

Kyle laughed. "Yeah, it's pretty cool."

...

Stan asked Bebe to meet up with him and thankfully she didn't mention the weirdness of that morning.

But she was left confused and upset when he proceeded to break up with her.

"I'm sorry. It's not you, it's me, it's...I'm...goodbye, Bebe."

She watched as he left her in the middle of the street and went over to some boy, the same one from the battle of the bands night.

Bebe had tried talking to him but then the band was playing and all her attention went to them.

But she was now looking at Stan and the boy who kissed and held hands and walked away.

In her mind, there was only one possibility for what just happened: this boy had stolen her boyfriend.

'Oh, I'm not gonna take this! I swear I'm gonna get you back, Stan!'

Meanwhile, Stan and Kyle went to get coffee but unfortunately Kylie just happened to work there.

"I did warn you, but I can't stop you, so whatever happens next is on you," she said.

Kyle rolled his eyes. "You are insufferable."

"That's the job of being a sister, dumbass."

"Oh, shut up."

"Well I would have you didn't have such sh*t taste in ex partners, but...Stan?"

"Huh? What?"

He'd been looking over the options on the menu and hadn't really been listening.

"Envy's here."

"No f***ing way," Stan said.

Kylie nodded. "Yes f***ing way, the last (I wish) girl you dated before she dumped you and you realised you actually like boys."

"She's coming over here," Kyle said, "I'll give you two a minute."

He and his sister made themselves scarce.

Envy was (obviously) Stan's last girlfriend before he realised he was gay, the last person he dated before Bebe asked him out two years after he was brutally dumped.

He hadn't even liked her that much but it hurt anyway, for some reason.

Envy's real name was Esther, but she refused to answer to that name once she became big with her band.

Stan hadn't seen her since she broke up with him, but now here they were face to face two years later.

"Uh...hi, Envy."

She looked past him at where Kyle was pointedly looking away and where Kylie was obviously watching them.

"Is that your new boyfriend?"

Stan just nodded.

She crossed her arms. "Okay, I'm jealous."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You're jealous!?"

Envy looked at him like he was an idiot. "I'm allowed!"

"You broke up with me! I realised I like boys more than I've ever liked girls!"

She scoffed. "I can still be jealous! You can't tell me how to feel!"

Stan didn't have any response for that, so he just said nothing.

"Anyway, obviously I'm gonna be in town for a few days, so...maybe I'll see you and your boyfriend around sometime," Envy said.

She smirked and winked before leaving.