sing me to sleep (keep me awake) : haobin

is this a dream (am i floating)

"hanbin," hao cried, breaking down upon seeing the boy.

hanbin let out a shaky breath. "it's me," he whispered.

the moment hanbin fell into hao's arms, he knew he was staying there forever. he knew it- somewhere deep inside him, deeper than his bleeding heart, something throbbing through his veins and chanting this beautiful boy's name as they fell to their knees on the ground of hanbin's bedroom in unison, arms wrapped around each other like vices, tears mixing into a rainstorm.

(the something crawling through his own pulsing arteries wasn't him. it felt like home anyway.)

"hanbin?" jiwoong called from the doorway. "hanbin, what's going on?"

hanbin shook his head. his mind was fuzzy; hao was here, with him again. hao was here and he was holding him and he was so damn beautiful.

"hanbin," hao whispered, burying his face into hanbin's neck. "hanbin, hanbin, hanbin, i- i'm so tired, and it hurts so bad... w-why is it like this...?"

hanbin ran a shaky hand through hao's hair, wondering if his mind would ever clear or if he was cursed to only think of hao and nothing else for the rest of his damn life.

(wouldn't be such a bad way to go, his tainted thoughts oh so helpfully offered.)

"i needed you," hao continued, wrapping his arms tighter around hanbin. "why... why do i need you so much?"

"the necklace," hanbin wanted to say. "we're pretty much cursed."

"i love you," his traitorous mouth murmured instead, quietly, a prayer.

the minute it left his lips, hanbin knew it wasn't true, knew it wasn't what he should've said. this was a goddamn siren in his arms, for fuck's sake. whatever this possession-possessor thing the locket thought it had going on, hanbin swore to himself silently that he needed to figure out a way to end it without hao ending him, because either he was going insane or the words that had just left his lips almost felt true, almost felt imbedded into not only his shadows but that bleeding, gushing heart inside him, and that was more terrifying than any siren could ever be.

it was silent for a while, until hao took a deep breath before responding quietly.

"it's the locket, right?" he asked slowly, nuzzling his face against hanbin's skin as he spent a moment choosing his words. "you don't really mean that?"

"i don't," hanbin agreed quietly, honestly. because he didn't - because the thoughts running through his head and plaguing him with pain were most certainly not his own. (they couldn't be.)

hao nodded against hanbin's throat, lips brushing against him for only a second, and hanbin had to hold himself back from shivering.

and then, hanbin's world shattered into the smallest iridescent pieces of sparkling glass (unable to be picked up, unable to be put back together again), the form of four words bouncing off of hanbin's skin, hao settling deeper into their embrace as he returned honesty with honesty, as he mirrored hanbin's ugly lies with lies of his own.

"i love you, too."

and so hanbin kissed him - because locket or otherwise, how could he not?

<3

"hanbin, we really need to talk."

hanbin frowned down at the water on the stove that was taking way too long to boil, shifting back and forth on his feet anxiously as he tried to ignore jiwoong's incessant eyes boring into the back of his head.