WHATS LOVE ( complete )

insecure

Keneka pov

After dinner we decided that we were too tired to go clubbing so we jus went to bed

It's currently 12.30 and we were going down to the pool I have a few swim suits that I ordered off temu and they are so cute I haven't tried them on yet

I've gain a few pounds buy I think I'll still be able to fit

Adrian and everyone was already at the waiting on me cause I woke up a bit late

I tried on bathe suite in the bath room then walked to then selfie mirror

And I frowned at the sight

I had stretch marks all over my thighs because I was losing and gaining weight constantly

And my once flat tummy was looking a bit bluggy  but I was that oviparous

examining my body and It changes made me feel some type of way

I went and change In to a next two piece  set that wazzs also cute but it was the same results

So I put on the next one and it was the same

I found a 1 piece set and I put it on my belly wasn't the problem cause it's natural to a have a little bump cause it isn't huge or anything jus a little fat you know

I'm not feeling like my usual self like my ex jay chest on me with some one light skined and a small body

I decided that I wasn't going to wear any bath suit cause I feel insecure normally  I'd try my best to stay fit but it's been awhile

I changed in to a baggy shorts and a a large t-shirt hoping it will hide me

When I got to the pool every one was looking at me and Adrian came up to me

Like look how him look him can get any gyal wah him want and mi nit evencan ke- I was cut off

"Yo hear wah mi seh" Adrian ask looking concerned

"Oh mi Neva hear wah yo seh " I said forcing a smile even tho it was fake

"Mi seh why yo nuh change" he repeated

"Oh a true mi neva feel e vybz "i said look away from him

"Yo good b" he ask

"Yeh nothings nuh worng wid mi mia go ova deh suh"

I said walking to  one of the pool chairs I sat and took out my phone to read some wattpad

After about 10 minutes every one was in the water I was ghe only person on the chairs

I mean everyone was in the water and all the waiter gathered at the bar to cool down

After about fifteen minutes of watching every one have fun I decided to go get a drink I ordered a bob marly and went back to my seat

I was that Adrian was talking to someone and she so was o my God I can't find a to describe her she's pretty, sexy,beautiful ,gorgeous like she looks so perfect

When I realised that she was holding his hand I watching them for a minute or two when she turned around

Looked like she fell like I was watch her when she saw me she gave him a HUG not jus any hug but she had her hands around his neck and he had his had around her waist right above her ass

He let her go and she said something to him And he SMILED she gave me a smirk and walked off

And I kept my focus in my phone continue reading my story I could feel his presence coming closer to

I think he likes women's that's in good shape and doesn't have any marks or anything I sighed looking into space

"Yo good and doh tell mi no lie cause yo look like yo out fi ball" he said towering over me

Most girls would give him the silent treatment but being the yam head that I'm am i played it off

"Breadda mi good mi jus tired and now mia get hungry suh now mia guh look something fi eat and com" I said walking off

As soon as I got to our room I started crying I don't know why but I cry for the stupidest shit

I went over to the small kitchen in our room and took up a chicken razor then
I walked to the bathroom room and locked the door

I had serious depression when I was about 14 and this was how I always cope with it it's not the best way but it works

I sat on the floor with the huge razor slicing my hands with out even wincing at the pain I've gotten so use to it or doesn't even hurt

Blood was all over the floor my clothes and hand and I stopped cause all my angry was poring out

When their was a knock on the door and I ignored it and they continued ti knock "keneka open e door" Adrian said and I snapped back to reality

I quickly got up "Mia com" i took pieces of tissue to clean all the blood off the floor and washed my hand but the blood was still running

I took of my shirt that was also bloody and wrapped it around my hand tight

And I opened the door "a wah yo dud a do in yah mek yo tek so long fi open the door likkle girl "

"Did use e bathroom "I relied

"If Yo know how long wia wait on yi by the way wah yo eat" he asked I told him. It was room service and went to find a nest shirt to put on

I told him ide with the girls but I jus wanted to go for a walk

Cause him scarcity dem nah leave mi alone cho cya bada

As I was walking I saw a man proposed to a next man eorng place dem Come do this but their so cute

I walked the went to the hotel and Adrian informed me we were going to him house a cya bada