The Hospital Nightmare

Do I Finally Know What It Is

     Things have changed. Although this hospital is still the same ____ is gone. I'm not quite sure how to explain it but they vanished after falling into my lap. They hadn't turned into ash as the "bad" me did, but instead, they became a mist that floated to the windows. As if becoming more stars for the misty sky I've looked at. The sky that was once filled with unclear memories is now filled with just stars. The memories may still be there but no longer as seeable as they could have been.

     I pick myself up off the ground and dust off my legs... and for a moment I feel sad. I'm not quite sure how to explain it but something's different. I feel eyes on me, and my heart quickens. "It" is near me. I haven't seen "it" since its last appearance observing ____ and I here in the hall. What could it possibly want this time? I turned to look behind me and there "It" stood, simply observing me. This thing has continued to taunt me ever since this wretched nightmare began. Endless constantly pulling me to new places except one, the elevator. "It" gestures to me to come towards it, and I stand there hesitantly. I take a singular step and hear cracking, so much cracking. I looked down hoping the sound was me stepping on something, however, my fears were correct. The smells of burning roses and paper fill my nose as it had that one time. I no longer feel hesitant as I hear the whisper pass my ear, "Run."

     I immediately sprint towards "It" no longer feeling fear of going near it, instead, I fear the flames more. I refuse to let them take me! I'm not that version of myself I can't accept that ever again! The flames won't reach me, never again, I just have to keep running. I keep screaming in my mind, "Don't trip, don't fall, don't stop, don't look back, don't ever look back again..." Finally, I'm there... where is there exactly? I look up for a brief moment my body still full of adrenaline from running and panic. Stars... a sky filled with glistening stars. "I'm here aren't I?" I say aloud as if anyone was around to hear me. I have a moment of silence, all I can hear is my breathing slowly calming from the panic and, feeling a sense of peace. I continue to look up and just stand there not wanting to look away from the glimmering sight above me. The air is now clean, and fresh, with no more scents of anything burning.

     No longer being surrounded by the confinements of the hospital and feeling safe I sit down. Feeling cool blades of grass brush against my sweaty palms and fingertips. It feels as though the grass is holding my hand as if to comfort me more. It's strange and yet soothing. As I sit there I contemplate things within my mind. Allowing every past event to course its way through my filled head. Remembering everything, with detail, and enthralling myself with the feelings that came with each memory. Everything feels strange momentarily, trying to let in every feeling at once, so instead I focus on one... fear.

     Every time I have felt fear in this hospital it was created by something else, never me though, well except for the "dark" version of me. Even so, everything was created by my surroundings and the toxic energy around me. I was the creator of everything though... I never could admit it till now. I suddenly felt eyes on me. "You love appearing when I remind myself the truth, don't you?" I look behind me "It" just stands there. Suddenly though I feel something. Nothing bad or painful, it was a light and cleansing feeling. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and wish. The most consistent thing of all this craze in a nightmare has been a sky filled with stars. Stars that hold memories... yeah memories. "It" approaches me and stands next to me. I open my eyes finally and see something I never thought I would. "You... but I don't understand. I thought I abandoned you so long ago. You've been "It" all this time?" Looking shocked and feeling immensely guilty I bury my face into my knees. The crying begins again but no crimson tears. They're normal... my surroundings are normal. I hadn't fully taken it in till just then.

    Between my sobs I finally manage to speak again, "I'm sorry," is all I could muster up. "It" simply sits down but now that I know it's being I should address them properly. I look up and see piercing blue eyes again- these eyes aren't bad though. They don't bring me pain, they aren't filled with fake longing, they're just happy. I feel safe, I feel truly safe. I don't feel like I need to hesitate or run. I just sit there and look back at them and as my tears dry I smile. For the first time in a long time, I smile with nothing else hidden behind it. "You looked after me this whole time. I feared you, but it was really guilt. All of this is because of guilt and being too scared to face the truth, the real reality, and not my created one." I sigh and shake my head. "I really am the biggest idiot aren't I?" I just stare expecting a whole yelling spree, but instead, I'm met with a gentle smile. "We both were, to be honest. We just needed time it seems. However, you kept me around, in the way you knew how, through creation." She giggles slightly and averts her gaze to the sky. "So what now? Do I finally get to leave this place? Can we finally go home?" I look at the sky with her. "Well, that's up to you now. Are you ready to leave, and finally take that step?" She says as she looks back at me patiently awaiting my answer. "Yeah, I think I am ready *******, let's go home."