The One That Got Away

Chapter 2: Shakespeare's Sonnet 120

It was your fault; I knew that I insisted but you should have been firmer in turning me down. Or at least that's the excuse I gave myself because I didn't want to admit that I had a hand in this catastrophe. As you see, I was too broken to take responsibility for that night and it was easier to pin the whole disaster on you.

"'Yun..."

"Anong ibig mong sabihing 'yun?" my cousin George asked. "Wala ka pang naikukuwento. Puro 'yun lang ang sinabi mo at puro ka lang iyak. Ano bang nangyari? Did someone hurt you—"

"May nangyari sa amin ni Harold..."

"What?"

"We did it..."

"That asshole! I thought he wasn't over Paige why would he—did he force himself on you?!"

"No..."

"Did he get you drunk because if you were inebriated—"

"George, no...it was...it was the other way around...

"What do you mean?"

"I...I wanted to hold onto him...and I thought that if...if we'd do it...he'd feel obligated to—God, I'm so stupid..."

"Shh..." George had pulled me into her embrace as I bawled my eyes out.

I wasn't sure how to pick myself up after that night – where do you start mending your soul which you yourself broke? How do you live with the shame of giving the person your everything even when he has repeatedly declined?

"Hindi mo ba s'ya dadalawin?" George asked when we learned that you had to be taken to the hospital because of what she did to you.

"Bakit, dadalawin mo ba s'ya?"

"Alam mo bang hindi s'ya lumaban? He's a blackbelt in Taekwondo, too, pero hindi n'ya ako pinalagan at sorry lang s'ya nang sorry."

"George, come on—"

"Shey, alam kong nasaktan ka, Cuz. Nand'un ako n'ung iniyakan mo s'ya. Saksi rin ako sa lahat ng taon na minahal mo nang palihim si Harold. I witnessed all of it. Gusto ko lang itanong, what happened between you two, did you regret it? Pinagsisihan mo ba na ibinigay mo ang sarili mo sa kanya? Kung oo, bakit? Hindi ba ginusto mo naman at hindi ka naman n'ya pinilit—"

"He called her name out..."

"Ha?"

"While we were doing it...he called me Paige..."

"That fucking bastard..."

I wasn't sure how to start. I wasn't sure what to process first – the pain of losing the friendship because I wanted to win your heart, the shame of having to live with the fact that you rejected me in the most horrendous of ways, or the anger because surely you must have led me on; after all, I couldn't have turned this stupid without your help.

"You have to find me a boyfriend," I told my cousin.

"Ako talaga ang maghahanap para sa'yo?"

"Well, magaling ka namang maghanap. Kita mo nga, nahanap mo si Moira."

"True," George replied proudly. "My life's greatest find."

"Kaya nga h'wag ka nang maarte d'yan at hanapan mo na ako."

"Shey, I know that you are not over Harold."

"You weren't over Leslie, too, but when you found Moira, nakalimutan mo ultimo birthday ko."

"Grabe ka naman, binati naman kita."

"Pero, late na, ano. You used to call me at exactly 12:01 in the morning pero alas seis ng umaga ka na nakatawag kasi nagtelebabad kayo ni Baby."