Trauma - Skephalo

Chapter 16: Darryl's Backstory

(Warning ⚠️: Mention of sensitive topics that may be triggering! Check the story description for more information.)
(Also, ignore the cheating part in the song.)

Back when I was in my freshman year of high school, my crush from 8th grade confessed to me and asked me to be his boyfriend. I was overjoyed, so I obviously agreed. At first, everything seemed to be going well. We quickly became popular as we were known as the happy, romantic couple. But after the first month, everything seemed to be going downhill, and it did at a fast pace. This was all because of my boyfriend's fault. This boyfriend of mine was none other than Oliver.

At first, it was small things like not giving me as much attention as before and disrespecting me. But as time passed by, he started showing his true colors. He got angry easily, and he easily showed aggression towards me, even when it's not my fault. He would get the most angry when I didn't want to do something he wanted or asked of me. If I didn't listen, he would hit me, choke me, throw stuff like bottles at me. Those bottles would always be alcohol. For some reason, his house always had alcohol. I don't know why his parents allowed there to be so much alcohol in their house.

But the naive person that I am, I allowed myself to get easily convinced into visiting him at his house often, which is where he lived with his parents. His parents worked a lot and were rarely home, so it was always just him and I at his house. There, he was given the perfect chance to hurt me. Even after all he did, he still dared to tell me that he loved me. Worst of all, is that I believed it. This was because I was in love with him. He manipulated me into thinking that he genuinely loved me. He knew that I got influenced easily. He said that he was the only person that would ever love me as much as he does.

Sometimes, he would make himself seem like the victim, blaming me. He would do it to make me feel guilty and stay with him. Over time, I started to get tired of his behavior and was starting to think about breaking up with him. So, one day, I took the courage to stand up to him and point out his mistreatment towards me. I left the room, but when I soon came back, I found a horrendous sight. He was killing my dog, Lucy. I wanted to stop him, but it was too late. After that, he said that that's what happens when I go against him. Someone will end up hurt. That made me stay with him and shut my mouth, but I feared him a lot more.

Not only would he physically hurt me, but he also hurt my mentally by insulting me, pointing out my defects, and bringing my self-confidence down. He did that, so I believed I was ugly. He did it so that I wanted to stay with him because he loved me for me and not my appearance. I started slowly hating my body, so I stopped eating a lot to lose my weight. Sometimes, I even made myself throw up after he made a comment of my appearance when we were eating.

In public, he always acted so nice to everyone, and he made it seem like he treated me well and that we were happy together. I wasn't happy. When I was near him, I would always feel forced by his intent gaze at me to smile and act happy and loved by him. We acted all lovey dovey in public, but I was actually very uncomfortable. Everyone praised us for being such a good couple, but they didn't know what actually happened between us. Whenever he touched me, I didn't feel safe, but I didn't dare move away from him to not provoke him.

I was bearing through the pain for over a year. But one day, Oliver cut the last straw for me. One day in sophomore year, he was getting a bit too... touchy with me. Before I knew it, he had dragged me by force into his room, and one thing led to another. I cried, begging him to stop, but he didn't listen. The worst part is that he wasn't even drunk. He did all of that willingly. By the time it ended, I was left in his bed, naked and traumatized. He r*ped me.

I couldn't take it anymore after that. Thankfully, my parents told me that I was moving schools for a better education. I was overjoyed. On the last day before I moved to a new school, I broke up with Oliver. He tried to convince me to stay with him, but before he could say much, I ran away from him, crying. Even though he had caused me so much pain, for some reason, I still loved him. But I knew that I needed to take action, I couldn't live like that forever. Immediately after I broke up with Oliver, I blocked his phone number and deleted any sort of memory of him from my phone. I threw away anything he ever gave me and any picture I took with him.

The reason why I looked quite depressed when I moved to Zak's school was because I was just barely coping with my experience with Oliver. Thankfully, Zak came along and brought some happiness into my life. I learned to move on and heal. I didn't love Oliver anymore. In fact, it was the opposite now. I hate him. Over time, I started eating normally again, I even learned to love cooking! I wasn't as insecure as before, but I don't really think I'm that pretty. But I'll take any compliments that are given to me.

But of course, no matter how much I healed, scars were left behind. I could never help the fact that I always got so uncomfortable and tense whenever someone touches me in any way. My nerves always rose the moment someone touched me, as my body instantly took it as if it was going to get hurt, and my brain would get haunted from memories of the past. As much as I told myself that nothing bad was going to happen, it never worked as I would always slightly panic at what would happen.

For some reason, though, I'm not as panicked, tense, or uncomfortable if I give consent to someone touching me. It might be because Oliver never made sure I was okay with something or even asked for my consent to anything. So, the moment someone does that for me, my body feels more assured and relaxed. Hopefully, though, one day I can finally who I trust and feel comfortable enough with so that I don't tense even the slightest when they touch me. Someone who makes me feel safe. Even if it's just one person.