Worst Nightmares

Cut The Rope

"She listens to that devil music."

"She wears those clothes."

"Have you seen her wrists?"

"Why is she still here?"

"Why won't she just do it!?"

They clutter my mind. The words spoken by peers who don't even understand. They don't know the shit I've been through.

They don't know I listen to this music because it dulls the pain. They don't know I dress like this because its the only way I can show my feelings.

They don't know my wrists look like this because I can't grasp that pain can be something invisible. Pain should be seen, not felt. I can't see my heart being eaten by a ferocious monster named Love. I can see the knife kiss my skin, leaving red lipgloss. That is pain.

They don't know I'm still here because I do still have the will. The will to fight. The will to put down the knife and bandage myself up. The will to untie my necklace made of rope and step down from my chair that I was preparing to kick away.

That don't know why I won't do it already. That I don't know either. My will to survive is getting smaller. Sadly, it was already eaten by Love.

So I am back. The knife kisses my wrists. No bandages. It's lipgloss running down my arms, staining them red.

My necklace of rope is tied and hung around my neck, the other end strung up on a banister.

My feet stay on the chair and I don't step down. A single tear falls down my cheek. What for? Maybe because I know the people who forced me will feel sorry. Or maybe it's because I'm sad they won't.

I close my eyes on this world. Not bothering to think I what next. I don't care. It has to be better then what lies in my past and future if I stay.

The chair topples over and I struggle. The need for air clogs my mind even though this is what I want. And then...limp.

What's next? The same torturous hell. This time, it'a not because I'm different. Everyone wears black. Everyone listens to the same music. Everyone has died.

"Look at her wrists."

"She did it herself."

"She killed herself."

"She was weak."

"Why wouldn't she stop!?"

The new whispers in my head.

This time there is no escape...