When Hearts collide (An Arthur Morgan Rdr2 fanfiction)

Chapter 26: Loneliness

Everything, was different, being alone.
Sleeping alone, didn't feel right. Morning coffee, breakfast and dinner, didn't feel the same, either. There was a hole in my heart, that shouldn't be there. A void with jagged edges, that made it hard to breathe. That first week without Arthur, was unbearable. It just, wasn't the same, with him gone. Every day, I'd stuck close to the window, gazing out, hoping to see him and the others, riding back in. Yet, each day, was the same. He never showed. And I was really starting to worry. Wherever he was, was he alright? Was he missing me, as much as I was missing him? Was he losing sleep, because I wasn't there beside him?

    "Can't sleep?" Abigail whispers, entering the room.
    "Nah. You?" I ask.
    "No. It's just...it ain't the same, without John," she says.
    "It sucks, what happened that day," I say.
    "It does. Neither of them, should've ever been there. If only I'd pushed harder, to reach John, make him see the direness of our situation, maybe then, we'd all be away somewhere, living a peaceful life," Abigail says.
    "It's not your fault. Neither of us knew, that this was going to happen. If anyone should be blamed for this, it's Dutch," I say.
 
Suddenly, I let out a gasp, making Abigail panic.
    "You okay, what's wrong?" She asks.
    "The baby, they just kicked, for the first time," I say.
     "Really?" She asks.
     "Here, feel," I say.
She gently rests her hands, on my swollen abdomen.
     "There, did you feel it?" I ask.
     "I did. God, that brings back memories, you know, of when I was pregnant with Jack," Abigail says, smiling.
     "You think, they're missing Arthur, too?" I ask.
As if in answer, the baby kicks again.
     "I know, little one. I miss him, too. He'll be home soon," I say, caressing my baby bump.

Abigail looks up at me, a question in her eyes.
    "What?" I ask.
    "If the others don't return, before its time for you to give birth, would you want me there, to help?" She asks.
    "You, Sadie, and Ms. Grimshaw. Charles can keep watch, by the door. That way, nobody else comes into the room," I say.
     "Reckon Arthur will be mad, that you told everyone?" Abigail asks.
     "I don't really care, if he is. I need support, right now," I say.

Suddenly, the sound of boots running up the stairs, makes us both turn attention, to the door.
    "Y'all need to get dressed. Hurry. No time to delay," Sadie says, coming into the room, breathless.
    "Why? Sadie, what's going on?" I ask.
    "Pinkertons. They're snoopin' round the woods. We need to move, now. Before we are discovered," she says.
    "We can't leave. What about Arthur? What if he comes back, Sadie?" I ask.
    "Don't you worry. I have a plan," she says.
Without another word, Abigail and I bid each other farewell, for now. I grab my clothes from the trunk. Underneath them, were some of Arthur's clothes. Feeling sentimental, I grab one of his shirts, donning it, and breathing in his scent, before I slip on a pair of maternity jeans, I had gotten recently.

Grabbing the rest of the items in the trunk, I ball them up against my chest, and head downstairs, to pack them into the wagon, which was already set up for the move. Tossing the things into the back, I head to the horses, tethering them behind as Charles helped hitch two giant shire horses, to the front. I'd be riding alone, this time. There was no Hosea, to accompany me, anymore. The poor man, God rest his soul, had been gunned down, during the robbery. Him and young Lenny.
     "You want me to ride with you?" Charles asks.
     "Nah, I got it. You go ahead," I say, taking up the reins.
     "Stick close. Don't know where we're going, yet. But, don't lose sight of my wagon, okay?" He says.
I nod to him, before we all, hit the trail, once more.

We rode for what seemed like hours, until Sadie finally settled on a small abandoned town, for us to make camp in, for now. I looked at the water surrounding the place, noticing very easily, the bright orange glow, of gator eyes, both in and out of the water.
    "Just got to endure it. We'll be fine, won't we, little one?" I say, when the baby kicked, again.
    "Everyone, set yourselves up. Find a place to park your wagons. Ms. Sparks, lets get you inside one of the cabins, here," Sadie says, a much better leader, than Dutch ever could be.
     "Thanks, Sadie. I don't feel too safe, sleeping out here, with a shit ton of gators, to worry about," I say.
     "My points, exactly," she says, helping me down, from the wagon.

Heading to the nearest cabin, we enter cautiously, checking for any squatters. Once we knew it was clear, I chose a room, and made it my own. Abigail took the one, right next door, wanting to remain close to me. Sadie decided to bunk with Abigail, seeing as Abigail had mentioned about my wanting her nearby, in case the others didn't make it back, by the time my baby was born.
I had no one, to bunk with. Once again, I was alone. From the small window in the room, I could see the moon, poking through the clouds. I wondered, if Arthur could see it, wherever he was. I wondered, if much like me, he was gazing up at it, seeking comfort.

Lying down on the single bed, in the room, I grab the quilt, I'd grown so used to sharing with Arthur in our bed, and wrapped it around me. I didn't want to sleep. Yet, I was tired and needed the rest. Besides, Arthur wouldn't want me to be exhausted. He'd be nagging me, right this second, to go to bed. And so, with that thought in mind, I lie my head down on the pillow, and let sleep, overtake me, forcing the loneliness that hovered over me, to the back burner.