Black Widow

She's No Angel

Depression for me you can't distract your way out of it....

When you're depressed it's like the rest of the world is the mother ship and you're out there on a little pod and your line gets cut and you dont connect with anything.

You sort of disappear.

And so it's not something you can talk out of.

It's really a chemical thing.

And that's what i learned from life.

"Trust" is just a word we say to please family and friends,
To make them feel more important than others.

But every single one of you know that deep down u can never trust anyone.

I believe that everything happens for a reason.

People Change so you can learn to let go

Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when they're right.

you believe lies,

So that you can learn to trust no one but yourself

And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

so that leads you to one thing
Again
Our point
"Never trust anyone but yourself"

If someone ever tell you that life is about " family, love, having fun"

They're lying

They probably stole it from a tumblr quote.

It's all about "Betrayal, disappointment, and death"

I've learned that in the hard way.

Now let me tell you why......

I didn't grow up with the name "Black widow"
I didn't even want it. But i earned it.

As any inoccent kid at my age, i had a family, soul, and u can say a heart.

Mom and dad never got married.

Yes, he got her pregnant and then told her "She's not my kid"

He's dead now. Good for him to be honest.

I was 8 when he died so I didn't care that much

And mom didn't go to his funeral. Neither did i.

People didn't care, they didn't know i was his kid anyways.

Mom got married after his death like 2 months later, still didn't care much.

His name was "Derek"

Derek was the worst man i have ever seen in my whole entire life.

Even with me....

He started touching, kissing my cheek, looking so damn cute infront of mommy.

But it got worse.

By the time i was 14

He came at night to my room, grabbing the sheets so hard
Taking them off me.

Feeling his kisses coming from neck up to my lips.

Screaming didn't work.

Punching him didn't work.

Even telling mom didn't work. She said "You are such a sick person, i wish it was just me and him i got bored from all of your drama"

Until it was the night i got sick of it.

Mom was out of town and i was supposed to go to school. But i didnt.

So he called my school saying that i was sick

He was happy doing it because it meant that he'll have me all day long

The moment he came to my room i looked at him and said "i'm ready"

He came and i quickly grabbed the knife i hide under my pillow and stabbed him 3 times

Was i scared? No
Was i sad? Hell no

I got out of my room with his blood all over my hands
Washed the knife

And placed it where it was.

The body was the hardest part.

I looked at it so deeply, but it felt that there's something wrong.

I still had this anger in my heart, i mean he raped me

What does anyone expect me doing?

I got another knife but even sharper

Took off his pants

And you all know the rest.

I didn't mean to be bloody or crazy.

I had to take my soul back.

It felt good.

Knowing that the one who took my childhood now i ended his whole life.

I buried the body in our backyard.

Things were totally normal,
I have never been happier.

Mom came back 2 days later.

She looked at me and said "Where's Derek?"

"He told me that he's going to hang out with his friends two days ago" i said

"AND YOU DIDNT CALL THE POLICE, YOU'RE NEVER USEFUL"
She shouted at me while she ran to the telephone to call the police.

I hurried to her saying "Mom! Dont call the police"

"Shut up" she said

I said it again.

But she didn't even look at me....

I said "i did it."

Mom: what did you do?

Me: mom i love but he deserved it.

Mom: Are u crazy? You're not my daughter from now, i dont want you in my life you crazy psycho.

Next thing i remember i was in radley sanitarium

If u don't know what radley is then its a mental institution

But it wasn't the last time......
That's how the little monster came to life.
But guess what...
Monsters never stop destroying until they're dead.

My demons,
Though quiet,
Are never quite silenced.

Calm as they may be,
They wait patiently
For a reason to wake,
Take an overdue breath
And crawl back to my soul.

I am not what I choose to become
I am what happend

I'm the "Black Widow"