𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐧 // charlie dalton fanfic ★

prologue

"charlie? charlie? wake up".

it was mr nolan. he stood solemnly above charlie, whose eyes were still mostly shut, although flickering views of the older man slowly began to fill his groggy vision. the younger boy groaned and sat up cross-legged. he was still half asleep - and charlie needed as many hours of sleep as he could get. late nights didn't do him any good. he always found he'd be even more irritable and impatient the next day if he didn't get enough hours in.

charlie took in what was happening in this very moment. mr nolan, their headmaster, of all people, was lingering beside his bed, looking as serious and grave as ever. have i done something wrong?, charlie thought to himself. no, i'm sure i haven't. have i?

charlie glanced over at cameron, who for some reason looked ill. he sat at the bottom of his bed, still, his eyes appearing void of thought. what's wrong with him?, he thought to himself.

"charlie".

mr nolan's voice pierced through the still silence that had, unknowingly to charlie, settled upon the dorm.

"what is it?", he spluttered. he couldn't think of any reason why the man would be waking him up in what, by the dusk-ridden sky, seemed to be the early hours of the morning, maybe even just gone midnight. charlie just hoped it wasn't any sort of bad news. but judging by the look on nolan's face, he wasn't gonna pipe up and announce that girls were going to be allowed at welton (finally).

"charlie, uh, may i take a seat?"

charlie glanced to his right at the scrunched up duvet that sprawled across his bed.

"you mean sit here? yeah, of course, whatever". nolan proceeded to perch himself next to charlie, and the weirdness of the situation seemed ever more apparent to the boy. what the hell is going on? why doesn't he just tell me?

the older man slowly removed his gaze from the floor, and soon his tired eyes met charlie's.

"i've had a call from neil's father, mr perry".

oh yeah, thought charlie. the play. the play that neil had starred in only happened last night. they all watched him perform - charlie, todd, mr keating, pitts, cameron, meeks - and they'd all seen neil as happy as anyone had ever seen him. he was good, he was really good. but not long after the play finished, neil's father had dragged neil out of the theater, into the car, and back home. and he didn't look very happy. was it about the play? was mr perry complaining to the school? demanding punishments for neil's friends for encouraging him to act? thoughts swirled ferociously around charlie's head.

"and he, uh, he told us some very, very sad news".

charlie's cheeks turned hot, his heart began beating, the pulse rushing to his brain, his breathing suddenly unsteady. he flashed a quick look over to cameron, who stared sorrowfully at the ground.

"what's happened? mr nolan? is neil okay?"

and at that moment, a glisten appeared in mr nolan's eyes, and a tear steadily rolled down his cheek. he started to hesitantly shake his head.

"neil's dead, charlie. i'm sorry".

the words hit charlie like someone had knocked him over the head with a ton of bricks, but they didn't seem real. neil... he couldn't be dead. his best friend couldn't be dead. he was happy, he was alive. not even a day ago, he was ALIVE. and now he was..... charlie didn't have the stomach to believe it. with a trembling hand, charlie wiped the streams of tears which had subconsciously dampened his cheeks.

he tried to ask mr nolan something, anything, but nothing came. nothing. charlie felt empty.

mr nolan gradually stood up, seeming weak and weary. "i'll leave you to process it, charlie, richard", he said, nodding to each boy as he said their names. "i know it's unexpected. it- it was a shock to say the least when i got the call from mr perry. i went to tell gerard and stephen not too long ago". he now faced charlie. "richard heard the commotion and came to see what was wrong. it's only todd now who doesn't know. i'll go and tell him now, unless you two and the others would like to".

cameron looked up and searched for charlie's approval, which didn't seem to be coming, but he nodded anyway.

"uh, uhm, yes sir, we'll tell 'im", cameron mumbled, the quietest charlie had ever heard him speak.

"okay, well, i'll be in my office if any of you need me".

he began for the door, when charlie's shaky breaths steadied. he managed to speak one single word through the tears. "how?"

mr nolan turned his body around, faced charlie, who was still seated on his bed. nolan wiped his palms on his trousers, and took a deep breath in, then out.

"his father found him in one of their downstairs rooms, lying on the floor. there was a gun laying beside him, charlie". he gulped. "take from that what you will".

no. there was no way. it all seemed like a dream. charlie wanted to wake up and get dressed and go to neil's dorm to find him up and ready, a smile on his face, proud and radiant, cracking witty jokes as usual. he felt the sudden urge to rush to that very dorm to check if he was actually there, but charlie knew that would be stupid of him. and then his heart broke even more. he knew that todd was in that dorm, still sleeping, unaware of what had happened. charlie knew the boy was going to be distraught when he found out. he'd for sure be in as much denial as charlie was in this moment.

but this was real. neil was gone. and he had... no. surely not. but he had. he'd done it. to himself.

and charlie didn't even get to say goodbye.