Equinox

five

My joints are burning, and my clothes are stuck to me like a second skin.

Nonetheless, I drive forward with both hands occupied by a Jian; the one in my right hand is much longer than the one in my left. The wooden dummy before me splinters with each blow I give it. The grass is dry from the lack of rain this week, and the frustration in my bones still manages to pull up dirt to smear my legs.

Stupid Corvus for making himself more likeable.

Stupid Theo for being so okay with Corvus sanctioning his murder.

Stupid Theo for getting in a stupid fight with me.

Stupid Theo for being my stupid boyfriend.

With each contact of the blades, groans leave my throat as a way to release my stupid thoughts.

"Shit," I chop at the dummy. "Shit," again, "shit," again, "shit," again.

Again

Again

Again

Again.

Not to mention I've been having nightmares every night this week. I continue to drive the blades forward. It doesn't help my sanity that Draco has been involved in every single one. Him doing some reckless evil thing that death eaters do. Like, talk to old men, and other stupid stuff.

Stupid fucking bloke.

"Is your goal to decapitate the dummy?" A deeper voice says behind me mixed with a chuckle.

I drop my head and pull a stuck blade out of the wood, then sheathed both in the holster that wrapped around my back. Just as the Jians were tucked against my back, I straightened and combed my loose strands back into my braid.

"Why are you all wound up?" He speaks again and I finally turn around to face Theo. How do I say you, your best friend, and your other best friend, without starting another fight? He's holding up a bottle of water and I snatch it from his hand.

I shrug as I drain half the bottle down my throat. "Thought I'd get a head start today," I tell him. "To work off some stress."

Theo circles the dummy and considers all the damage it took. "Was it Corvus's idea to put you on dual Jians?" He isn't looking at me when he asks. His eyes are trained on the chips and dents in the wood, his fingers tracing along the seams.

"It was mine," I answer through my pants. Then out of sheer awkwardness, I drink the rest of the bottle.

Theo nods and finishes his circle around the wooden dummy, then props a shoulder against it to take me in. "You should practice more hand-in-hand combat." I don't know why I expected him to say more, but the silence stretched, and I found myself twisting the cap of the water bottle to avoid the continued awkwardness.

"Why?"

Theo simply moves his head around to weigh his options. "Because when you were... gone," he begins and the reminder makes my eye twitch, "isn't that the one thing you wished you knew?"

"Well," I say, "fighting myself out of there with my bare hands would've been a suicide mission against your father... and the rest of them." It wasn't an effort to be pessimistic or to make him feel guilty because it was the truth. What girl of my age and size would be able to take on the dark wizards who tortured her for months? I lacked energy and motivation. I haven't admitted it to anyone, but I accepted that the rest of my life would be spent there, whether it was another day or even a year.