trust me

chapter 1:The lies begin

I stay in my dorm. I know that the moment I see my friends they are gonna ask about the bruises and bitemarks and I cannot possibly begin to explain them, especially to ururaka. She hates bakugo with a passion. I was chilling with Netflix in my room cuddling with my all might stuffie when Iida texts me asking where I am and if I need him to bring me my homework. I go to type sure but then realize he would see me...so instead I start with a small white lie. Not intended to turn into a mess or anything, yet given the situation it's almost assured that it will. I type "no thank you Iida I already got the work earlier when I spoke to Aizawa about my absence 😊" he didn't respond after that so of course I assumed I angered him. I was gonna message him more when I heard a knock at the door, I panicked thinking it was Iida. However it wasn't. And sometimes when I look back on it I wish I didn't answer it. When I opened it I see none other than Kacchan standing there wet from the rain holding a vodka bottle. I can smell the alcohol on his breath and see the blood on his face I presume from his mother. My heart melts seeing him like that, I feel pity I open the door for him to come in and he walks past me sitting on my bed. I don't regret helping him, I regret my heart melting for him. I regret the way I carefully patched him up, my fingers lightly on his skin. Me.getting attached. Looking at him that way. I knew it was one sided but in that moment I realized one thing that I had single handedly screwed up my life. Getting involved with him was like falling to earth from the moon. And I knew that. But I didn't stop it nor did it want to.

Looking at it I don't think he faked any of it. He couldn't of. He had to of liked me too, at least a little. He was vulnerable with me. In that moment I saw a softness in his face I haven't seen in a long time. No anger. No malice. Just broken. After I patched him up he wanted to lay next to me he didn't say a word he just held me, almost as if he would lose me if he let go. I felt safe in his arms. Hands that had once been cruel to me now protected me.

Again in the morning he was gone just like the night before. This time leaving the smell of his cologne on my bed, the smell of him making me smile. Realizing I was in foreign territory, I've never felt this way about anyone definitely not Keith and most certainly not bakugo katsuki. I found myself confused wanting to shut him out for my own good and wanting to hug him and never let him go. Hating him yet begging for him to come back.

When I go to class I see him in his seat I smile at him hoping for a smile back but instead he ignores me. My heart breaking as I sit down in silence. I realize I didn't do the homework and I had told Iida I had it. He's gonna wanna know why I didn't do it, so is aizawa I never skip assignments. I'm gonna get behind and it's all my fault. I feel Iida looking at me with confusion as I don't get up to turn in the assignment and aizawa raises his eyebrow at me before shaking his head. Most definitely disappointed and the thing is that I don't blame him.

Again I'd love to say that it didn't happen again but it did. Many times after that. Lying, skipping and hurting. Became a habit to me. I bang doing things I never done before. Feeling alive yet shame at the same time. During the day bakugo would ignore me Half the time not even look at me but at night he would come to my room almost always drunk and tell me he wants me and he needs me. And every morning bed be gone. It was a routine I got used to but never ceased to hurt. Sometimes he restrains my hands but a few odd occasions he doesn't. He actually lets me touch him. Last night he was actually gentle with me slow and easy like I was fragile. It was different from all the other times. But it's hard to enjoy it when I know he isn't going to stay. He never stays. I wish he would.

What I wouldn't give for him to hold me and sleep with me and be there when I wake but I know it's in my head. It's a fantasy. And it's the worst part. Sometimes I feel used. I feel cheap. I wonder if he cares about me at all. Or if I'm just some sort of toy to him.