𝗜𝗡 𝗪𝗛𝗜𝗖𝗛, Chuuya Nakahara overviews his feelings, 𝗢𝗥 𝗜𝗡 𝗪𝗛𝗜𝗖𝗛, Dazai Osamu denies his feelings as their love-hate relationship deepens over time, emotions hidden beneath conflict.
Time slipped away like sand through one's fingers, with each passing second resembling a grain of sand flowing casually and wasted, only to return to the earth. Yet time moved forward, changing lives and souls, while also evoking memories of grains yet to be forgotten.
His interactions with him were unparalleled; each passing minute marked by disputes that concealed a deeper sentiment beneath layers of anger and remorse.
Chuuya Nakahara found himself in an unprecedented state of affection. At the tender age of 16, he encountered the tormented figure – bandages enveloping his arms and eyes reflecting void. Though he resisted acknowledging it, a sense of care enveloped him.
Despite his aversion, Chuuya cared for this boy, and their days were spent in a mix of conversations, fights, and the shared title of "Double Black."
Dazai Osamu existed as an empty vessel. The demise of his dearest friend, Odasaku, left him hollow. The burden of failure to rescue his elder comrade consumed him, propelling him to push away those around him.
He vowed to leave his once-beloved organization and the people he believed cared for him. Confrontation with death merely steeled his resolve to court it, sensing no salvation from the engulfing tsunami. Indeed, the calm before the storm.
Years lapsed since Chuuya's last glimpse of Dazai. He convinced himself that his fondness for the taller man was rooted in gratitude for sparing him from traitorous companions and the harsh world.
Wasn't it pure admiration? Yet the treacherous path of affection often led to heartache. Dazai's demeanour in his presence confirmed Chuuya's belief that he could never be reciprocated, however much he desired it.
Chuuya was certain that Dazai could never reciprocate his feelings.
Dazai's last memory of Chuuya depicted a young boy, consistently angry and battling his own self-destructive tendencies. The unfolding of events remained capricious, a fact Dazai acknowledged. And now, facing Chuuya again, the transformation from boy to man was evident.
Despite the circumstances, his feelings towards Chuuya remained consistent. The Double Black re-emerged, not as allies but as temporary collaborators, reminiscent of times gone by.
Chuuya's mind was all over the place.
The man he swore to kill, the man he despised the most was yet again alive, in front of him smirking as he eyed his figure commenting yet again how unlucky he was. Suppressing the urge to embrace his foe, to seek solace in his arms before throttling him, proved an internal struggle. He would never admit it, but he was glad he was alive. He was glad Dazai was alive.
"You may be able to deceive that apprentice, Akutagawa, but not me. After all, I am your old partner" Chuuya proclaimed, his eyes fixed on his restrained companion.
Dazai's words fuelled Chuuya's anger, pushing him to lash out, cracking the wall beside Dazai with a powerful kick.
Dazai gazed at Chuuya, the man he had secretly enjoyed annoying during their time at the port mafia. Unbeknownst to him, he almost liked Chuuya. Emotions were foreign territory for Dazai, yet Chuuya's actions left him intrigued.
When Chuuya grabbed his hair and met his eyes, Dazai was captivated. This unfamiliar sensation stirred a hint of happiness within him. Could this be what it meant to truly connect with someone? Is it what it means to find someone? someone to live by and be truly happy? But Dazai dismissed feelings.
Feelings were nothing but a waste of time, something that made every man and woman weak. And he simply found it amusing to have someone achieve his lifelong dream to lie on deathbed with him.
Change of events take place. Dazai simply looked down the monitor, his sleepless eyes viewing Chuuya's cursed figure. Chuuya was cursed. It wasn't the Chuuya he knew. He was cursed with the liking of others ability.
Despite himself, Dazai found Chuuya captivating. In different circumstances, Dazai might have playfully seized his hat, as Chuuya would growl and cling on him to take his hat back.
Dazai loved it when Chuuya's hand held onto his arms, when the distance between two bodies were minimum. Did this qualify as love? Or was it a manifestation of primal desire?
Dazai's thoughts drifted to their final encounter at the bar. Intoxicated Chuuya failed to deter Dazai's teasing. Memories of Chuuya's touch, his hand on Dazai's, and their faces in close proximity resurfaced. Dazai's internal struggle against his urge to draw Chuuya closer revealed a side of him he rarely acknowledged.
Their contact was intense, Chuuya's hand atop Dazai's as he tearfully bared his soul. "Hey Dazai, found your dream woman?" A dilemma for Dazai, uncomfortable with Chuuya's drunken proximity. "Jealous, Chuuya?"
"As if I am!"
Chuuya's unsteady state prompted his hand to interlock with Dazai's, altering the conversation. "And your first kiss?"
"Sacrificed it for our last mission."
Their faces neared, Chuuya's hat discarded, glove dropped to the floor. Chuuya's hand slipped to Dazai's bandaged one.. Dazai supported Chuuya's swaying form, a proximity that tempted the forbidden. Dazai's bandaged hand. Dazai's other hand was on Chuuya's waist, giving him support so that he wouldn't fall. Dazai could smell the wine's flavour from Chuuya's clothes as he untangled his hand from his, brushing off strands of hair from the shorthat who was drunk. Chuuya's eyes, enchanting and tempting. Dazai restrained his desire to draw him closer.
"Oh really?"
"Mmm"
Breath mingled, Dazai's arm encircled Chuuya, a fraction from a kiss. With each passing second, Chuuya's breath was felt on Dazai's skin as Dazai's arm wrapped around Chuuya's figure until there was a little space between their lips, before Chuuya's drunken eyes matched Dazai's eyes,
"She stole your first kiss, care to steal mine?"
Without a word, Chuuya reached out, his fingers gently tracing the lines of his face, feeling the rough edges of his existence. Dazai's breath hitched as his hand cupped his cheek, his thumb brushing against his lips. He leaned into his touch, his eyes closing for a moment, savouring the warmth of his hand against his skin.
Chuuya tilted his head slightly, closing the distance between them. his lips met in a soft, sweet kiss. It was a kiss that spoke of longing, of the desire to escape the darkness that surrounded both. Dazai's arms wrapped around his, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss.
The world faded away, leaving only the two of them in that moment of shared intimacy. It was a kiss that said everything they couldn't put into words—their hopes, their fears, and their love for each other.
Dazai closed his eyes, haunted by the poignant memory, before turning to the monitor, "Looking back there were tender moments we shared, like the time...." Dazai looked at Chuuya's eyes, those black covered eyes, as he drowned, "Sorry there weren't any,"
"Goodbye"
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A/N: Sending lots of love to my readers. English isn't my native language, so please forgive any mistakes. Thank you! P.S: A big thanks to those who give votes. It makes me feel valued :D
