Captured | pjm

02:life & green eyes

Have you ever wondered about getting a chronic disease so that your family and people around you cared more for you?

I did. I still do.

The thought of dying keeps swirling in my mind like the complicated rollercoaster in our local amusement park.

It just goes on and on at high speed, having sudden bumps and stops and suddenly drops down so fast, you can't even track out about what you were actually thinking. It ends with a numbness that you can't decipher properly. But then the empty feeling strikes in, making you feel like throwing out whatever your stomach has been storing.

I wasn't talking about a rollercoaster ride.

It was my thoughts, my thoughts that made me feel this way. Despite having people around me, I felt all alone. If I have to be literal, I was alone.

No family, no friends. Just me (and my favorite mocha latte ofc).

Being kicked out of your foster home right after turning sixteen because you were a disgrace as a human was the cutest thing to ever exist (note the sarcasm). Not that I really cared. I was
independent and stable enough to take care of myself, even after my parents tragically disappeared from the bane of existence.

It was questionable but I was too naive and young too question it.
I didn't even know how they looked like which is befuddling because I woke up one day,at an anonymous place ,injured and broken inside out,at the age of four and got told I no longer had parents.

Thinking about all of these after years feels unusual now. So I stop and start going on with the many other people on the road.

It was a Monday morning which means busy people all over the place just like houseflies all over garbage. Their stealthy steps echoed around the buzzing city, turning into full on chaos.

It was sickening how much more we looked like mechanical robots rather than a emotion-filled human. Not that I was any less.

I was just another mechanical instrument in this world.

Sigh.

I walked towards the small convenience store located at the corner of this high profile area. The low light intensity bulbs of the board outside the store softly glinted, contrasting with the bright sunlight. The keys to the store jingled as I plucked them out the small pouch I carried.

The store settled as a click resounded through the vast expanse after I pressed on a switch. Lights twinkled up on by one in a rapid motion, making me squint my eyes at the artificial brightness.

The place smelled like candy and chemical, a sweet but strong mix of scent. Definitely recommended for use.

Taking one last sniff of the addictive scent, I trudged around the store, preparing for the rough day I might face today.

A Monday = chaos.
And it's just 6:40 now. After 20 minutes, hell's fire is going to blaze in .

No person that works at a convenience store here could be prepared for a Monday. People here don't seem to cook for themselves at all. All they do is spend their whole time in this store or somewhere else but never at home.

Not judging, just saying.

The store is small,not that small but compared to any other store ,it is small and filled with all the essentials needed.

Food, medicine , beverages- everything is available here and as I move through every aisle, I make sure everything is right on its designated place, obviously while cleaning the cramped store.

Cleaning up, I finally take a deep breath, taking in the intoxicating scent again. Perfect.

Hope the day will be too- alas...it wasn't.