Hunger

February (part 3)

Frankie was busy at work, which gave her very little time to think about what had happened on Abi's birthday during the day. But when she lay in bed at night, she would replay the moment with Harry in her mind. It had been three weeks since it happened, but it still haunted her. Sometimes she would wonder what would have happened, if she had kissed him properly. Would he have kissed her back? She imagined how he would have drawn her closer, pressing his body against hers. It was self-torture, because she knew it would never happen, but the thought of him wouldn't leave her. She wished she had at least stayed long enough to see what he would do. Maybe he would have told her that he was flattered, but she wasn't his type. Maybe he had let her kiss him, because he felt sorry for her. Thoughts like that hurt, but they hit closer to home than the thought of him actually wanting to kiss her. 

She found that the thoughts of Harry actually had the opposite effect to her affirmations. She wasn't kind to herself, and even if she had felt a sense of pride having kissed him, it didn't make her happy to think about it. She needed to stop thinking about him, and move on. It wasn't easy when his face was everywhere, but she had to try not to think about him all the time. It was a fleeting moment in time, where their paths had crossed, and she would never see him again. 

Instead she started focusing on herself. Abi was changing her hair yet again, this time she was going for a blue colour, and Frankie asked her to give her a cut as well. She wanted to change something. Abi was more than happy to help her find a new style, if that was a step on her journey to self-acceptance. Frankie wasn't sure self-acceptance was obtained by changing your hair, but she would like to see someone else when she looked in the mirror. If there was any chance she would feel full by doing things for her appearance then that was worth a try. So Abi cut her hair. She went for shorter lengths and she gave her a fringe; she called it a wolf cut. And it actually made Frankie feel a little better about herself. The cut framed her face in a nice way and she felt like she got a bit of an edge to her look, so she didn't look quite as polished. Abi was over the moon, so proud of her work. She helped Frankie style it, so she felt good about herself. 

They decided to celebrate by getting all dolled up and going to the pub. It was 'Rock n' Roll- night' and people always got dressed up and it was a lot of fun. Some people did fancy dress, and dressed up as real life rockstars. Abi helped Frankie pick an outfit that went well with the edge she got from her new haircut. She wore wide-legged jeans and a black bardot top with sheer mesh sleeves, and Abi helped her with her makeup. She created a bit of a smoky eye, which looked really good. Frankie stood for a while and looked at herself in the mirror. It was a small change, but she felt better about herself. She felt like she looked younger, and more interesting. For the first time in a long time, she felt excited about going out. She hadn't been out since Abi's birthday, and she really missed seeing their mates. and just having a few drinks and chatting. 

"You just need a couple of tattoos and you'd be an edgy rock-babe", Abi joked and smiled at Frankie. 

Frankie fetched a black marker and asked Abi to draw something on her arm, just for the fun of it. "No willies!" she warned her, and Abi snapped her fingers in disappointment. She drew a couple of pretty patterns and it looked really cool. 

"Yes! That's your look," Abi said excitedly, before they went to the pub to meet with their friends.

***

The pub was busy with people. Everywhere you turned there were people wearing 80's rock-inspired clothes, big hair, a lot of pleather, ripped jeans and chains. Frankie and Abi pushed through the crowd to find their friends, who were sitting at a table in the back of the pub. When they spotted each other their friends exclaimed admiration for their new hair. Abi had gone for a pixi-cut and she had dyed it blue. Frankie blushed at their reaction, but she felt really good about it. She definitely felt like it was doing something good for her. The top was a little tighter than what she would normally wear, but she was sure Abi was right, when she said it showed off her curves, instead of a long, baggy t-shirt that made her look bigger than she was. Gina and Mirah complimented her look, and both told her, she looked hot. It wasn't something she normally heard people say, so she blushed, but felt really good about it.