The Proposal

To be but not to seem

"Why did you come?"

"Let's talk, Gulf."

Two suitcases. His boss is going to take quite little stuff with him. There are dirty pink halos under the eyes. The night was clearly sleepless.

"Won't you even let me in?" Mew leans wearily with his elbow on the door frame.

Gulf nods, giving way: come in.

Already being inside Gulf's apartment, Mew receives an offer "tea", "coffee"? But Mew refuses, to which his now former boss just shrugs his shoulders.

"Then I don't know what else... just tell me why you came. I still have things to do before the flight."

"Why did you destroy everything? Well yes. You're the boss. You're always right."

"I signed your appointment. And I gave recommendations to our founders so that they would petition for you to retain your position in front of the new editor-in-chief. They won't take Prem. Apparently, they themselves were convinced of his worthlessness."

"Are you at it again? And you pretend like you didn't hear me and didn't understand."

"I also read your manuscript, Mew. I've been reading for two nights in a row. And I'll tell you, it's... it's more than worth publishing. I am sure you will succeed in the future."

"Have you been reading so much at night?"

"And what?" Gulf laughs tightly, "sometimes I had to spend nights reading utter incompetence. So... it's not surprising that I spent them reading at least something worthwhile among all this bad taste and graphomaniac, a good half of which is poorly veiled plagiarism."

"Thank you ... but somehow it doesn't make me happy, Gulf."

"Hmm, not happy?"

"No. Yes, I understand, having received recognition of my work from such an expert — and this is not sarcasm, Gulf — I should have at least thanked you more emotionally... but no, Gulf. You know, something else is more important now."

"Mew, go home. It was nice working with you."

"And thank you for that. But I'm not leaving until we have a normal conversation."

"What's there to say? And about what?"

In fact, Mew doesn't have any prepared speech. He was coming here, not understanding at all where he would start the conversation. He did not think through what he would answer Gulf, how he would argue, even roughly imagining his reaction. He doesn't have a plan B. And, to tell the truth, there is no plan "A" either.

"I want you to stay."

"That's impossible, Mew. Not legally. Not by conscience. You'll probably be surprised. But I have it."

"No. I wouldn't be surprised. I knew without your revelations that you are not what everyone imagines you to be."

"Well, yes. That's probably why it was thanks to my damn decent assistant that I became known as the King's horror story character."

"If you mean 'It', I didn't come up with this nickname for you," Mew blushes, tugging at the edge of his shirt.

"I'll pretend to believe it."

"Okay, Gulf. Yes. Sometimes, damn it, you were just unbearable! Sometimes I really wanted to punch you in the face, because you didn't see the limit at all in the way you treated people… But I have never allowed myself to speak disparagingly about you in front of others. You heard that conversation I had with my dad before the picnic, right, from beginning to end, right?"

"Even if, then what?"

"And then, Gulf. It's true. Everything I said about you to my father is true. You have a lot of qualities that are admired. And you're really very handsome."

"It's nothing. The latter will be corrected by the time."

They both chuckle. But this does not weaken the tense atmosphere at all. And yet Mew takes a desperate step. Literally and figuratively. Approaching Gulf without warning, he peremptorily embraces him, whispering into his temple:

"Let's go to this Nanchai, show him photos, videos from our weekend, apologize, explain, anything... why would you leave? After all, you'll be there all alone."

Gulf doesn't resist hugs, but he doesn't hug back either.

"And here — otherwise? Am I not alone here?" the voice sounds quiet and doomed.

"If you want, you won't be alone."

Gulf steps back, it's hard for him to look into his eyes:

"I really have a lot to do, Mew. Go back to your place. It was great to meet your family. I certainly have no right to spoil life for anyone, but for them and you. I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to tell them everything myself. And it looks like you're going to have to do it. Let's consider this my last assignment to the best personal assistant."

"How much praise in the end! The manuscript, the best assistant… You want to get out of all this clean, right?"

"I admit that you have the right to be angry. You can even send me to hell again. If it gets easier."

"No. It won't. And I don't want you to leave."

Gulf is standing so close to the wall that he involuntarily leans his head against it.

"These days spent in your family... in a nutshell, I decided to find my relatives in China. I don't know about my father... he definitely doesn't have anyone here. But my mom, like, had parents, my grandparents. They were against the fact that she married a Thai man... never saw me… But what if..."  Gulf swallows noisily. "Yes, and Chinese, at the same time, I will revise my native language. And you were right when you said that I would have to be real there. Absolutely right. But I want it. I want to be real. And not to seem real."

What can I say? If this is a sincere desire, it is fully justified.

"It will be great if you find your family, Gulf, I hope everything will work out for you. But what should I do, Gulf? I'm probably a spineless fool in your eyes, but I feel like I'm losing something very important together with you."

"Habit, Mew"

"What?"

"It's a habit, Mew. You're just used to working for me, following my orders, sometimes the most obnoxious… I hope your new boss will be much more loyal and fair to such a valuable employee."

"Can't you do without your stuff even now, Gulf?"

A sigh of fatigue is heard. Gulf can't look him in the eye again:

"A request. Not an order. Please go back to your apartment, Mew. Thank you for everything... I promise to buy a copy of your book… As a keepsake."

"We won't see each other again?"

"What for, Mew? This is unnecessary."

"Are you being sincere now?"

"Go away, Mew."

The sky is shining with some kind of fierce burning blue today. For a long time, until his neck goes numb and his eyes begin to hurt, he will stand under him with his head held high.

Not everyone has the strength to swim against the flow of life. But Mew is determined to take the risk.