Oh Suzannah, Don't You Cry For Me

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Let's Make Some Bad Decisions

In honor of my birthday this upcoming weekend, here's a new chapter! I've had certain scenes in this chapter planned for such a long, and I'm excited to finally share them. :D

Title is named after the song, "Bad Decisions" by BTS, Snoop Dogg, and Benny Blanco

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Chapter Twenty-Eight: Let's Make Some Bad Decisions

When Steve finally found his friend, after hours of searching, the reek of nicotine permeated the air. Following the stench, Steve spotted Bucky leaning against a Jeep outside of their tent and smoking a cigarette. A thick cloud of smoke surrounded him like a storm cloud above an upset cartoon character.

Uh oh, Steve thought. Something clearly must have happened for Bucky to chain-smoke.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked, walking up to Bucky. The serum-enhanced senses made Steve cough and he waved a hand through the air to fan the smoke away. It did nothing except swirl the haze around and tickle the inside of his throat. He could taste the nicotine, and he stifled a cough.

"I'm fine," Bucky grunted. He took one last drag on his cigarette nub before using it to light another. He slid the half-empty box into his pants pocket.

Seeing straight through Bucky's lie, Steve pried, "What happened?"

"Nothing happened. I'm fine."

He might as well be talking to a brick wall. At this rate, he could get more information from an inanimate object instead of his friend.

"Buck, you only smoke when you're stressed."

"There's a war going on, Steve, of course, I'm stressed."

"You haven't chained smoked your way through half a cigarette box before."

The remark earned him a vicious side-eye, and Steve caught a glimpse of Bucky's red-rimmed eyes before his friend turned away. Deep down, Steve knew something other than the smoke made Bucky's eyes red and sunken.

"What do you want?" Bucky snapped, and let out a sharp exhale. He at least cared enough to try to keep the smoke away from Steve even though Steve didn't have asthma anymore.

"We need your help planning the mission, in case you forgot. I want everyone there to make final decisions. We've got less than a week before we finally take down the Hydra base near the border," Steve explained.

Any previous irritation about Bucky neglecting his duty faded away once he saw how defeated and downtrodden his friend appeared. The obvious sign of chain-smoking proved something had occurred. The red eyes, trembling bottom lip, shaky hands, and downcast attitude further betrayed Bucky's true feelings.

"You're right. 'M sorry." But he made no effort to move other than bringing the cigarette to his lips and taking a long drag.

In a gentler voice, Steve touched Bucky's shoulder and said, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

The answer should not have surprised him, but it still stung. Bucky used to tell him everything; he'd overshare on the most intimate details and sometimes Steve wished Bucky would learn to keep some things to himself. Ever since Azzano, a schism had grown between them, and Steve tried his best to fill the gap before it grew wider. If only Bucky would open up once in a while and put some effort into repairing the divide. It would certainly make things easier. He would be lying if it did not hurt to see Bucky so closed off and reserved. Bucky had been to hell and back, but he couldn't do anything to help until Bucky let him.