☆my poems☆

Dysphoria..

Have you ever lived in a delusion of yourself?
I know thats a really random question to ask, but..

I have created a version of myself in my head in hopes to feel better.
In said comfort space I have everything I have ever wanted. Everything I have ever needed to be happy.
All the time I live in my own little word to avoid my real life. Like this, It is the only safe way for me to survive.
Everytime I get reminded about who I really am outside of my own little world I feel like a thousand rocks were just thrown on top of me.
It feels like I am being sucked into a big black hole.
Except that black hole is where my heart should be.
A big space filled with emptiness.
Everything yet nothing.
Just like someone scribbled all over it with the black ink called dysphoria.
Im in a prison that is impossible to escape from.
A prison designated to be my own life.
In such moments my whole body feels heavy, Im not able to move for the reason that my skin hurts touching my bones. Everything that I tried so hard to avoid made the barrel spill over because of its sudden cloudburst.

Everytime I realize that the little happy guy inside my head is not me.. the 'girl' on the outside dies all over again..