☆my poems☆

words..

//TW: bodyshaming, Eating disorder, daddyissues, grooming//

When i was 5, I was told many things..
I was told that im loved.
I was told that warm hugs surround me.
Told to have fun.
I was told to treat others with kindness.
And also how others should treat me.
They told me to keep fighting for my dreams.
That anyone could be who they want to be.
Told that i can live my life as i'd desire it to be.
And that i can even reach the stars once im grown older and taller.

With 12, I was told many things..
I realised that i'd have to work to earn love.
I was told who i should be.
What my name is.
And where my place is.
I was told that i dont get to decide how i live. It depends on where i grew up and simply luck.
I was told how to please others and ignore myself and my own needs.
tought to not be self-determined.

It didnt took long to realise that they only play pretend.
Cover up the dark cold truth with bitter sweet lies.
Glaze them with pretty sparkly pink like the donouts you would see in the stores.

Remember that you used to adore them?
Now you just look at them and remember all their calories and how you look like.
No one would love a pig like you.
No one would want to be seen around you.
They are be disgusted when you even dare to touch one now.
They tell you how fat you are and that you dont never deserve to eat.

You dont deserve love or kindness until ur pretty.
Until you are small, have hips, and tits.
Until you wear makeup and skirts.
Until you sacrafice yourself and you innocence for older men.
No one would apreciate you but they would.
They were the only ones who would see you and be proud of you.
No one said nice words to you that werent emoty except them.
They obvioulsy want things in exchange but for positive attention you would do anything now.
It feels so good, almost like a drug.
People always search for things they desperately want even if they have lost them long time ago.

All along we were told to have fun but no one teached us how.
They told us to love ourselves but no one told us how you could love a dead soul they created.

Words are like bed sheets.
Some textures feel nicer than others.
Some might even seem to make you sweat more at night.
A empty sheet alone can be used as a blanket, but they will only become a true warming blanket if u stuff them with your own actions.