Love me again

L.O.V.E

Love.

Something I'd never had an inkling of understanding towards.

Love consists of four letters. How odd is that? Countless songs, poems, stories, etcetra, fitting into just four letters. Every emotion there is in just L-O-V-E.

So many have fallen victim to it. Heck, I know I have. And yet, after so much heartbreak in the world- domestic abuse, affairs, divorce- we somehow trick ourselves into thinking it's a good thing. It's beyond me why we masochistic beings would want to put ourselves through that. Some people fall into depression because they don't have this- this...sickness- called "Love". It's unfathomable.

I know I sound so negative and pessemistic, but I can't help it. Its-

"Earth to Leah? Come in, Leah," I heard a vague voice interrupt my thoughts.

I realized I had completely zoned out in the middle of a conversation. "I'm sorry, Kaityln. I wasn't listening."

Her face fell as if calling me hopeless. I have a feeling she'd been having a full on conversation with herself... "You're a lost cause, you know that Leah?" she muttered, exasperated. "Well I was saying... Maybe it's kind of a good thing that Harry is back."

I cringed at the name. "How could it possibly be a good thing that I'll be touring with my ex-boyfriend for the next six months?"

"You're such a pessimist, Leah," she complained, shaking her head, "I just think that, maybe now, you can finally get some closure. I mean, you've been hung up on this guy for what? Two years? Going on three? Maybe this whole time, you've just been caught up on the memory of what you two had and not he himself. Maybe if you get to know him again, you'll wonder what you ever saw in him," she smiled hopefully.

I thought about it, but quickly debunked the idea. I wasn't in love with the thought of Harry Styles. I knew it. I was in love with him; I was in love with the way he would help anyone in need, no matter what it cost him. I was in love with his laugh and what it could do to people around him. I was plainly in love with him, not the thought of him.

I knew this with a strange sense of certainty, but I found myself agreeing with her. Maybe if I do, I'll trick myself into thinking it, I thought.

Stop it, leah! I scolded myself. Ugh! It'd been two years! I was over him! Why did I have to see him again? Why do we have to tour with them? And why did he leave me?

I sighed. Thinking about Harry was making me feel even more hopeless. "I have to go," I muttered, "I have to uh... clean up some choreography."

She smiled and sent me on my way. I had told Kaityln I was going to clean some choreography, but I suddenly felt utterly exhausted, so I decided I would go back to my hotel room and rest.

After leaving the small cafe, my phone made a noise and I noticed I got a message.

Anonymous: You're looking as exquisite as usual, Leah. You don't know how long I've waited for you. ;)

I stared down at the phone, confused.

Me: Uh... Who is this, may I ask?

Anonymous: All in due time, baby. But, to calm that pretty little head of yours, I'll give you a hint - You don't know me, but I know everything about you.

I was contemplating a reply when I got another message from the same person.

Oh, and don't tell anybody about this. And don't block this number. I've been planning this for a long time, my dear. I'll keep in touch. ;)

As creepy as it was, I didn't think much of it. It was probably just one of my friends pranking me so I put my phone away and didn't give it another thought.

~♡~

I walked inside my hotel room and, to my surprise, Harry was sitting on the bed. His head whipped up in surprise, but he relaxed when he realized it was me.

"What are you doing here, Harry?" I asked hesitantly, setting my keys on the counter.

He looked so sad. Deflated almost. He sighed and slowly stood up.

"I'm so sorry L," he said, walking toward me, "I never wanted to hurt you."

Too late, I thought.

"Look, it's been a long time," I said, "I'm not mad at you. I was at first. Gosh, I hated you when you left me. But, to tell you the truth, I got over you as time went by."

Liar.

His face fell but he smiled sadly. "I figured as much..." he sighed.

"Harry, why are you here?" I asked, a bit worn out.

Suddenly, his whole demeanor changed. "Well, I was just wondering if you want to, I don't know, go out sometime? I mean, you may have gotten over me, but that doesn't mean we can't try again right?" He smiled hopefully.

"I honestly do forgive you, but you shattered my heart when you left. I was so in love with you, Harry. I'm not even sure if it was healthy-how much I loved you. And you knew how much trouble I had trusting you in the first place. You knew about my past and you told me I could trust you with everything I had. So i did. You said you would never leave me like they did."

Tears threatened to spill over and I had a hard time getting my words out. "I forgive you, I do. But I don't think I could every trust you again. So to answer your question, no. I'm sorry. And I think it would be best if you left."

He remained silent for a moment before smiling widely again. It was then that I relaized how close he was. I could smell the familiar calogne that brought back so many memories.

"I'll get you back, Leah," he declared, looking me straight in the eyes, "I never stopped loving you and I'm not giving you up again. You can play hard to get all you want, but you're gonna love me again." He placed a kiss on my cheek and winked before walking out the door.

I stood there, playing what he said over and over in my head. I thought I was done with him. And the pitiful thing is, I'm not sure if I'm angry or hopeful.