Self Love Journey

Closure - 09/28/20

I never took the time to really and reflect on us, and what we had. I didn't allow myself to properly heal. Even though I didn't want to be with you anymore. You still meant a lot to me. We talked day in and day out. We laughed all the time. We had an undeniable connection. But weren't helping each other. I  was draining your energy just as much as you were draining mine. I wasn't learning anything, I wasn't growing, I was just there. I felt like I wasn't allowed to be myself around you. I feel like thats why my creativity kinda stopped. I felt like I was walking on eggshells around you and I couldnt be myself. I was so focused on trying to make you happy, and the girlfriend I thought you wanted me to be that I completely absorbed myself into that image of what you wanted. I lost sight of myself and who I was trying to please you and I only hurt myself in the process. Thats why I know us breaking up was the best decision. And pray you are getting the same clarity and growth from this situation. Tomorrow we would have our 3rd anniversary. I know its crazy to think about. But I feel like lately I've been so focused on the idea of relationship and not our actual relationship. Sure it would have been 3 years but I wasn't happy. And I know you probably wouldn't be happy either. Feeling just as stuck as I was, but convincing yourself we were okay to escape your own feelings of loneliness. Sometimes I really just feel like I was convenient for you. Like you kept me around because you didn't want to feel lonely. Like I was just there so you could say you had a girlfriend. Because you're romantic I can see that but most of the time you were distant and cold. You got upset with me over very little things, and I was villianized way more than I should have been. I'm not saying I never did anything wrong because I did, but never to the degree you made out to be. I mean when you really think about it we were 2 lonely people who just so happen to find each other. Me never having a boyfriend, or even a kiss, and you closing yourself off emotionally because of your past.  In a sense our loneliness brought us together and it's also what made us work for so long.