SIN and HONEY: Seven Years of Longing

Chapter 29: Leah

 Leah sat on the rugs at the center of the feast for another half hour. Jacob did not return once he ran after Rachel, and eventually she stopped surveying the area to look for him. She dipped her bread into the pots of stew and vegetables, and watched the guests nibble the bridal honey cakes baked fresh that morning. She tried to ignore the whispers and stares of the men, the merchants—some of whom she recognized as former prospective husbands—shaking their heads at her. The Birds flitted right and left, refilling cups and taking away empty bowls, as nervous as real birds trapped in a net. Even the slaves had hands cupped over mouths to shield her from biting words when their masters weren't looking.

 She resisted the urge to fight back when her father roused the crowd to drink to the success of his brilliant plan, screeching drunkenly about how he had gotten vengeance on Levi by sending him away, and on his daughters for their disrespect.  When it looked like Laban had his fill of wine and would not be standing much longer, she left with as much dignity as she could muster, nodding quietly to the guests as she passed.

 Outside the tent, a hand tapped her on the shoulder. Not another congratulatory remark, she prayed. If one more person wished Jacob and her a long life and bountiful children—she didn't know what she would do. She turned to see Uzi, the kohl of her eyes accenting her dark skin and sharp features.

 "Where are you going?"Uzi asked, her voice barely a whisper.

 "Home,"Leah said, though the word barely made it out of her mouth. Nowhere is home anymore, because Levi is gone.

 Uzi shook her head and pointed behind them. "Jacob's tent is that way, Leah. Your new home."She took Leah's hand and motioned to one of the lower slaves, a girl who must have been no older than fifteen, carrying a small basket and a lantern. "Tatenda will show you. She has taken your things to his tent and now will help you prepare the marriage bed."

 She hadn't realized it until Uzi spoke; she had been heading back toward the tent she shared with Rachel—the one that had always been home. But now her home was with her husband. In his tent. In his arms. The thought made the little food she ate turn rancid on her tongue.

            Uzi squeezed her hand softly before turning back toward her children, but Leah would not forget the look of pity on her face. Pity for the girl without a home.

Tatenda's arm outstretched for Leah to follow, and they went into the darkness.

Jacob's tent was on the far side of camp, away from the riverbank and closer to the fields where the sheep and goats grazed. When they arrived, Jacob wasn't there. Tatenda immediately began setting up the room: lighting the oil lamps, turning down the sheets on Jacob's mat and of her own, placed next to it, opening her basket, and putting objects on the floor next to their mats. Idols, Leah realized. For fertility. She wanted to vomit and considered turning around and going back to her tent with Rachel. But knowing her sister, Rachel had already barricaded the entrance with every basket and bag, rug and mat she owned. She'd be lucky if Rachel ever spoke to her again.

 She saw her large basket of robes and a small one containing her little bronze plate, combs, spindles, and jewelry. These items were all she had left, and though she knew they were hers, they seemed foreign to her in this new surrounding. This strange tent was her home now, and Jacob would be there soon.

 She looked at Tatenda, whose hair was braided with flashing bronze beads at the ends. The girl burned sage and dotted the pillow heads with cassia oil. Leah felt a camaraderie with her she wasn't sure the girl would share. Tatenda was a slave with no say in her future. Leah felt the same.

 "Wash?"Tatenda asked, her voice light and quiet. Leah nodded, and together they readied her for bed. Leah washed her face in the basin of cool mint and rose petal scented water held by the girl. After, Leah changed into her night robe. Tatenda combed and braided her hair, her fingers expertly sweeping from the left to right. Leah slipped between the sheets but didn't blow the lamps out. For the first time since childhood, she was afraid of the dark. She considered asking Tatenda to stay but knew the sweet girl could never fill the Rachel-sized hole in her heart.

"Do you have sisters?"she asked Tatenda. The girl nodded, holding up three fingers.

Four girls, born with no choices, into a life of slavery. She felt pity and rage but could do nothing with them. It made her think of Levi and how far away he was by now, probably locked in chains, being dragged behind some man's cart. That was his future.

            Unless Laban had been lying all along, and Levi was already dead.

 Finally, after hours of stoic determination, Leah let herself cry. Her greatest fear, the one thing she tried to prevent, had come to pass: Levi was gone. What would she do now? How could she mourn if there were no body to bury, and no last moment of goodbye? She couldn't. She would be tethered to him forever, shipwrecked in her grief. The tears were hot as they rolled down her cheeks, her chest tightened as her sobs shattered the silence.

 Leah realized at some point that Tatenda was rubbing her back. "Be brave,"she said, over and over, like a prayer. "You must be brave, like a mother is brave."

            There was a rustling of the tent flap signaling Jacob's entrance, and Leah froze. He ducked inside, holding a lantern. She hastily pulled the sheets up, further obscuring her body from him and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her night robe, embarrassed that he saw her crying.

 "It's alright,"Jacob said, walking toward her and kneeling on the edge of the mat. "In the future,I can sleep on some skins over there." 

 Leah was relieved. She looked to Tatenda. "Come back tomorrow? Only if you have permission, I don't want you to get in trouble ..."

 Tatenda grinned. "I will get permission."She walked to the door and winked at Leah.  "And if I don't, I will lie!"

 With a giggle, the girl leapt from the room, leaving a smile behind on Leah's face.

 Now that she was alone with Jacob, Leah did not know what to say. They started to speak at the same time but then shrank back, embarrassed. Jacob spoke first.

 "I've always seen you as my soon-to-be sister,"he said slowly."And I know you've always seen me as a brother, so this will take some adjusting. But I want you to know that I will try to act honorably here."He swallowed and cleared his throat. "For you and for Rachel."

****

The next chapter will be posted on Tuesday! How will Jacob and Rachel deal with being married?

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