Wall-E: The Vault Dweller

Project Cleanup

"Ladies and gentlemen of the world, this is a detailing of the exciting new corporate initiative we're calling: 'Project Cleanup'! By now I'm sure we're all aware of the situation with the planet. After years of  burgeoning profits coupled with shrinking global real estate reserve, we found ourselves in a historic position of being without a planet! But folks, we have a plan to make things better. Way better. Our synergistic solutions team of BnL scientists, sociologists, and growth management consultants have come up with on humdinger of a plan: state-of-the-art underground vaults in a five year plan to ship the population of earth below the surface into the glorious safe-haven of a shelter. Of course, you may be aware that there may be no proper time and means to create so many vaults that could produce a habitable living space for the entire population, which is why we've also invented the next advancement in technology: cryogenic chambers for humans! While you and your family will lay into a peaceful slumber for the next years, back in the surface an army of BnL super automatons take charge of the clean-up."

"The Wall-Es will gather, cube, and vertically stratify waste into orderly towers. Mobile BnL incinerator units will then take over, reducing each tower into a combustion stream while harmful vapours are simultaneously pumped out of the atmosphere, getting the earth scrubbed and polished, ready for colonisation by our well-rested citizens. The backbone of this operation, the Wall-E robot will lead us into a bold, clean future for all mankind. Now, we're switching to our live broadcast that will showcase the cryogenic pod in action."

[Footage switches to a live broadcast of a stage full of people in the seats below]

"Ladies and Gentlemen ! We're here today to show everyone the marvellous new invention created by our top scientists! For many years, cryogenic storing of humans was always seen as impossible, and yet today here we are, ready to show the whole world the little chamber that will get us through Operation Cleanup! Let's just pull back the curtain and... Voila!"

[Audience applauds]

"And now, their function will be showcased by the brave volunteer that has signed up to be the first person to ever go inside the first vault! Here he comes, please give a round of applause for them. They're even already wearing their vault jumpsuit!"

[More applauding, as a figure steps onto the stage]

"C'mon, give the audience a wave! Eh eh, that's good! Now then, we'll just have him step right inside the chamber... now once he wakes up, the Earth has become habitable for him again, as it will for you all in the audience and watching at home! We'll turn the cryogenic process on... and let the machine do the rest!"

[The cryogenic chamber begin to make light humming noises, until eventually the humming noises get louder]

"Ummm... is it meant to be... eh eh, not to worry everyone, must be a little automatic maintenance, we insist the cryogenic chamber is totally safe! Nothing to worry about folks..."

[Soon enough, the machine begins to spazz out as it lets out a few sparks and deep voice that says 'Malfunction']

"Malfunction? B-But... no surely not..."

[The chamber goes completely haywire, rattling violently and letting out short alarm noises, the same deep voice announcing from it 'Error, vital signs dropping. Subject in critical condition. Brain condition deteriorating'. As the sparks grow, the audience begins to panic and get up from their seats, the chaos increasing]

"Hey, no! Folks, please calms down, the m-machine must be wrong o-or something or... AAH! NO! Can we please get the maintenance team in?! Folks, stop panicking, w-we just need to... hey! C-cut the footage, cut the footag-"