A Sheep In a Lone Wolf's Clothing

I Love You, Momma - Chapter 9

It's been forever. Or atleast, that's how it feels considering I've been stuck in this hospital bed for.. I don't know. I know today is a Saturday because my mom visited me. Yet, I don't know which Saturday. I doubt it's been over two weeks, maybe it's just been a few days. I doubt a concussion takes that long to heal.. and despite my specialty being the science type shit, I suck at anatomy. I just know the basics and extra detail on the basics. My memory has been more empty than Ai's soul. Speaking of Ai, I wonder if he got his ass beat from the fight. He looks like a tough guy, but considering Mai is like a soft spot for him, maybe she stopped him. That, or maybe they are in the hospital with me. I hope the first option is true. The doctor said I could be out soon. I can't wait to go home with my comfy bed.. don't get me wrong, the hospital bed it comfortable yet cold, but I miss my bed a lot more. My momma gets upset with me because it's always messy, but that's what's so good about it. A messy bed is so much better than God damn royalty.

The doctor did say I was showing improvement despite the fact I don't even remember his name. The nurse was really nice though. Not as nice as Mai, though. Ai is a bitch. ..okay, maybe not a bitch, but like, he's an asshole. That's what he is, an asshole. Bitch is for the girl who asked me to the party. Except, she's not a bitch, she's just bitchy. She's disgusting, I hear she's had like 4 different boyfriends in the past month and a half. Overheard it from a group of girls, but hey, at least I remember something.

✿︎

Ai hasn't left his room. He only did to use the bathroom, which is reasonable, but I'm worried. I'm a worrier, but this is worrying coming from Ai. I get every now and then he has had anger outbursts from stressing out over.. heck, not even I know, but he's my brother. Yet, I heard him tossing things around in there from last night. I was going to ask him about it, but he tends to heal by himself. I wish he could tell me stuff. I'm worried.

I gently knock on his door after almost two days. He did go to school today, but he went home early after Gabe tried talking to him. Casey says he called Gabe an inappropriate name. That sounds like Ai.

Some rustling could be heard before he opens the door. He slicks his now messy, curly black hair back as he raises an eyebrow, looking down at me.

"Yeah?" He asks as I look up at him. I can't tell what expression I'm making, but I can tell it's obviously showing what I'm feeling since Ai sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Are.. are you okay?" I ask quietly. Now that I got more quiet, Ai seemed to soften his sharp expression a little.

"All is good." He simply says. I nod, glad he's okay.

"I'll take your word on it. Do.. you want to talk about it?" Ai shakes his head at my question.

"No, as I said, all is good. I'm just going to take a nap. Unless.. you want me to make dinner? Actually- I don't know what time it is." He sighs again, rubbing his eyes. I'm starting to slowly believe he just woke up from a nap. He's speaking slower and softer, yet his eyebrows are furrowed and eyes are squinted. It's hard to see the pretty gold color of them.

"Umm.. I believe it's about five o'clock. I can go make myself dinner, want any before you go to bed?" Ai shakes his head again. ..man. I tilt my head, slightly concerned.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure." He nods, and then I do. He then closes his door. ..I guess I'll make myself a grilled cheese. I'm feeling that cheesy mood, afterall.

I get out a pan, oil, cheese, bread, butter, you get the drill. Butter the bread, put on pan with oil, sizzle. Almost forgot the spatula, though. I was about to put in a headphone and turn on some music until I felt the vibrations on my feet of some footsteps. More than one pair. ..This apartment complex is nothing but the elders, who would be walking around? I want to take a peak, but I feel like I would be nosy, so I won't for now.

I glance over at the front door just to check and make sure the chain is on it and it's locked, in which it is. I then go back to makin' my grilled cheese. Yum..

✿︎

"Are you going to be okay walking?" Momma worriedly asks as she walks me down the hall.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just.. a little slow processing. I haven't walked in a while." The thing is, right as I said this, I stumble onto the front door. For a big guy, I'm quite clumsy right now. My momma sighs,

"Kristin, just go sit down. I'll get you water and give you some advil." She gets infront of me, using her keys to open the door to the apartment before she stands behind me. ..I don't know why, but I'll guess it's because she's worried. She's a worrier. Though.. I did just get a concussion. That's not good, obviously, so I guess I understand why she's so panicky.

I go to sit down on the couch, lying back. ..Man, I have been in here in a week. Momma told me its only been a few days, but I recovered quite fast- fast being one week and some days. I don't know, I don't remember when I went to the hospital. I don't remember much about the fight either other than who was in it, then I just blacked out. ..though, I guess that means I missed that weird lady's party from Saturday. I'm glad I did, though, she seems annoying and bitchy. I wonder if Mai or Ai went.. I doubt it, though. Ai doesn't seem like that type of person and I don't even know if the weird lady knows who Mai is. Oh well, today is Tuesday. I'll go to school on either Wednesday or Thursday depending on how I feel- or atleast, depending how my momma feels about me going to school.

Speaking of her, she walks in with two advils since I don't have a massive headache. She hands me a cup of water, sitting next to me with a hand on my shoulder. I take the pill, pushing it down with the water.

..then it's just silence. Mom is holding onto her floral dress, looking at her lap. It's a nice one, I remember it being shorter when I was younger. I can't help but feel.. empty. I feel like something is missing. I miss something, but I don't know what. I guess I always feel like this when it goes silent.. It's nothing but thoughts. I want to tell momma about it, but I say nothing and keep my neutral facial expression. ..yet, I feel like remaining silent would be best as momma leans on my shoulder- or at least, tries to. She's shorter, so she kind of just leans on my arm. She looks scared.

"They said you wouldn't remember me. That you would suffer memory loss," She whispers, her voice cracking mid-sentence. I remain still before gently taking her shaky, wrinkly, cold hand. No words, just tears, but I feel like doing this makes me feel.. warm. At least, my face feels warm. And wet. It takes me a moment to realize it's my tears as I see them drop onto my lap. I can feel my chest sink, my shoulders subconsciously closing in along with my head hanging lower, my eyelids not moving at all to blink as if I'm trying to hide the fact I was crying. Am I? My hands shake as well, but it's not because of the same reason as my mom's. My head is all over the place. I feel like all my thoughts are flooding in with all the bad past memories I wished I could forget.

I haven't cried ever since my momma told me about my pops and what happened to him. I don't remember what happened to him, and I don't at this moment thankfully. I was 6. That's all I know, and I dare not ask my momma about him as I don't want to know anything about him. He ruined her. I like it this way. Right now, that is. I feel like our family at the moment is better with me and my mom. Ma's hand cups the back of my head as her forehead meets mine. Nothing but silence. I can't see or hear her tears, but I can feel the small wetness of them on my hand as they drop. I hug her, and then I finally feel my mouth open to speak without will,

"I love you, momma. I would never forget you."